Combat Zone

For years, experts have warned that video games have a detrimental impact on interpersonal relations. Every study has consistently shown that the earlier children begin playing video games, the fewer sports or after-school activities they will engage in, the fewer close friendships they will form and the more likely their conception of an external reality will suffer. Even scarier, with the rise of such in-depth story lines and open world exploration made available by games like Skyrim, we have seen an increase in total hours spent immersed in this alternate...

It’s no secret that the world is hot as balls and is steadily getting hotter as ballser. Polar bears are pissed off, Priuses are getting uglier every year and somewhere Al Gore is sitting in a candlelit room on a romantic date with his Nobel Peace Prize. What’s causing this plethora of what-the-hellery? I’m talking, of course, about the greatest plague to our planet since Nickelback’s debut album: (cue ‘50s horror movie music) GLOBAL WARMING! That’s right, the sun’s slowly eating our planet like a reluctant fat kid eating his...

The following is an account of time spent in New York City during Hurricane Sandy by Trail reporter Jezebel Lightly. It’s 5 p.m. on Sunday. I’m on a New York City street, somewhere on the lower East Side. Today, the winds have begun to pick up. Trash is scattered everywhere and it’s beginning to pour. So, at a glance, not too abnormal. But you can feel it. This one’s different. The name “Sandy” is heard muttered beneath people’s breath. Stores everywhere have been boarded up. Pizzerias, with neon lights flickering...

By CHIMEZ SNAPMAN The past two weekends University of Puget Sound students have taken to the streets in order to celebrate the beloved holiday of Halloween. As Cady Heron from Mean Girls put best: “In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” However, this is much easier for the California girls in the movies than the ladies of Puget Sound. While the Pacific Northwest managed to escape the wrath of...

Hello. My name is Jill Stein and I am the Green Party candidate for President of the United States. It’s kind of a big deal. You might be wondering why I’m writing in to your dinky little school paper. If so, you’d certainly be shocked to learn that I appeared at your school last Saturday as a speaker. No, I’m serious. Truly, in all actuality, I was here, on Oct. 20, speaking on the Politics of Courage Tour. This is not a joke that the stupid satire section of your...

The Combat Zone, following this election like an anteater on an ant colony, has officially endorsed Jacob Mahoney as the governor of Washington! I know it's late in the game to be announcing this kind of thing, but frankly, we just found out about this dude like a week ago. He's pretty under the radar, something we appreciate in a candidate. How annoying do all those signs get, you know? Just like, Darnielle, Darnielle, Darnielle, Darnielle. All in a row. Does that mean you like that candidate four times as...

Newly elected ASUPS president “Slick” Ricky Radelli has been outed as having laundered money to fund a political action committee, or PAC, to campaign before the elections took place. The PAC itself did little to help Radelli’s rise to office, as there were still fewer than 20 votes cast, most of which contained false write-in names such as “Seymour Butts” and “Megan Fox’s Thumbs.” Radelli won the election by a mere three votes, two of which were cast by Radelli’s opponents, Felix Dürtitrauser and Sally Soreass. “By nature, the Soreasses...

I write to you in protest of the insane ASUPS voting system here at Puget Sound. As a freshman, I was just recently introduced to the University and its elected student body. When I tried to vote for the officer candidates online, I found out something pretty interesting. Turns out our votes are weighed by class rank. That’s right: sophomore votes count more than freshman, etc. Seriously, do you guys even know that? Am I the only one who voted? I thought it was just coincidence that all the candidates...

Given the recent statements made by several government officials, including representative Jack Bakin’s (R-MO 2nd District) confused remarks about “legitimate rape” and women’s reproductive rights, The Trail thought it appropriate to assign a team to investigate the origin and nature of men’s education. Intense investigation revealed that Representative Bakin did not attend preschool or kindergarten, skipping that key period when children are taught the social skills they need to work and cooperate with peers in a social environment. Because of his lack of fundamental social exposure, Bakin has missed several...

A growing concern of the freshman class this year is in regards to their geographical frustration of living in Seattle. Several do not understand why their expectations of living in such a large city are failing them so dramatically. The Campus Visit Program is not commenting on allegations made by several students that the notion of living in Seattle has been over hyped. Others have begun to notice discrepancies in the general population they expected to find, here in the city. Instead of the young and hip hustle and bustle...

For reasons that have only just surfaced, three agents of the Drug Enforcement Administration have stepped down on the grounds that they have become pacifists. The announcement came just days after the DEA raided a medical marijuana dispensary in the state capital, Olympia. The agents were supposed to have raided the dispensaries and then burn down the buildings, but due to a typo on the agents’ issued briefing, the agents were instructed to “raid the dispensaries and confiscate any and all marijuana plants and paraphernalia. Burn in the buildings.” The...

PrintGreen is back! The new program from Sustainability Services, which was temporarily disabled in the beginning of the semester, is officially up and running, meaning students are going to have to become much more conscious about the amount of paper they’re using. This has been a controversial program, with admirers and admonishers alike. Many students, primarily the history majors, have complained the “average” student uses far less paper than they need, insisting that they’re being discriminated against. This is just the first of many new changes. The brilliance to this...