Combat Zone

Students get more boring

For years, experts have warned that video games have a detrimental impact on interpersonal relations. Every study has consistently shown that the earlier children begin playing video games, the fewer sports or after-school activities they will engage in, the fewer close friendships they will form and the more likely their conception of an external reality will suffer. Even scarier, with the rise of such in-depth story lines and open world exploration made available by games like Skyrim, we have seen an increase in total hours spent immersed in this alternate reality
However, a new fad, even more passive than playing video games, has struck Puget Sound. As if prodding your avatar up a mountain and intermittently slaying wolves and foxes wasn’t lifeless enough, now gamers’ friends just sit and watch, not even playing. Few words are exchanged. The saddest part is that most present describe the experience as “hanging out.”
“We’re just chilling, brah,” replied Jesse, 19, when asked about these activities. I was unfortunate enough to look in on one of these gaming sessions. The scene was almost too uneventful and listless to find words to describe it. Seven or eight sophomores were sitting in an off-campus house basement, PBR strewn about the floor, and only one person, Jesse, was even playing Skyrim. Everyone else had their eyes and mouths half open, gazing at the screen. I stood in the back with a clipboard, fascinated.
“Hey. You missed a chest. Go back,” Fred, one of the observers, said. Duly, Jesse turned around and opened a chest, which contained six pieces of gold and a silver circlet. Fred appeared satisfied and returned to his comatose slouch. Little happened for the next half hour, save an incredibly drawn-out confrontation with a couple necromancers and the chance encounter with a wandering bard, who offered nothing to the story. It almost got exciting when a dragon appeared out of nowhere, with massive, fearsome wings, breathing some sort of icy fire breath. I was all ready to see the culmination of what was presumably hours of preparation for this very moment, when Jesse accidentally walked her avatar off a cliff, killing him instantly. After watching literally the same sequence of events a second time, I had an existential crisis and left.
I returned about two hours later, having forgotten my pen. This time Fred had taken over, and was playing in a different location. I sat down, intrigued, and watched as he navigated through a dark cavern, roamed through beautiful forests, stood at the precipice of a cliff overlooking a breathtaking landscape at dusk, battling trolls and dragons, finding new treasures, meeting interesting characters, advancing the story one quest at a time. I started to sit, and like, watch, cuz it’s so pretty, and ithinkI’mgoingtskdalfaakn.ekjqnwe;f
EDITOR’S NOTE: The rest of this article was senseless gibberish. We found Chester two weeks ago in an abandoned basement, head resting on the keyboard of his laptop, where he had been lying for two days.