Combat Zone

Akin skipped Pre-K, missed key lessons

Given the recent statements made by several government officials, including representative Jack Bakin’s (R-MO 2nd District) confused remarks about “legitimate rape” and women’s reproductive rights, The Trail thought it appropriate to assign a team to investigate the origin and nature of men’s education.
Intense investigation revealed that Representative Bakin did not attend preschool or kindergarten, skipping that key period when children are taught the social skills they need to work and cooperate with peers in a social environment.
Because of his lack of fundamental social exposure, Bakin has missed several important lessons that we think of as basic or elementary. Such rules include respecting others’ bodies, opinions and personal space. It has also been reported by several members of his staff that he regularly shits himself.
Most of us learn to think before we speak and wait for others to finish before speaking. Like a troubled and confused child, Bakin has been known to frequently blurt out responses in the U.S. House of Representative meetings. His democratic counterparts often must wait lengthy periods for Bakin to calm himself after his uncontrolled outbursts.
It has also been reported by Missouri State law enforcement that Bakin has been detained at least 10 different times simply for shouting at people. The representative allegedly disagreed with various constituents and failed to understand why they didn’t agree with him. He also reportedly has a problem with using his hands instead of his words. For example, during his term as representative he once attempted to pass a measure using solely hand gestures.
Reporters from The Trail were able to contact Bakin’s high school girlfriend, Rita Mitchell, for a phone interview. “He actually didn’t know that girls had vaginas until we dated,” Mitchell said. “He was under the impression that ‘vagina’ was some kind of mythical creature.”
Bakin released on his website that he is regularly attending study sessions with presidential candidate Mitt Romney in order to better their social skills and understanding of people, each making full use of his own binder full of women.