Hey guys, it’s your favorite stoner, Pearl “Necklace” Knuckleson, wishing you a wickedly green 4/20, or as I like to call it, Stoner Ramadan. Ramadan. Ramamamamadan. Such a cool word. Where was I? Oh yeah, 4/20! Since the beginning of time, this holiday has been the source of much celebration. But you might be pondering: What should we, The United Stoners of Hash and Kief, be smoking in remembrance of? The answer, my legion of tokers, is limitless. Whoa, I think I just blew my own mind. Liberal arts, man....

It’s that time of year again! No, not that time, the other one. Yeah, the registration one. What do you mean, you don’t care?!? Whoop-de-s*** if you’re a senior, there are other people on this campus too! Whatever. Here’s a look at some classes next fall. CONN375-Jersey Shore Genealogy This Connections core class is guaranteed to take your love of reality television and turn it into outright loathing. Students will do in-depth research on the immigration history of Italians in America but also on their genealogy. Projects for the semester...

As Puget Sound’s new Wetlands publication is dominating many students’ imaginations, not a whole lot of attention has been given to another new and sexual addition to the campus community. Starting Monday, the new Sexual Expeditionary, or SEXPY for short, will open in the basement of Kilworth Chapel, for the enjoyment and pleasure for whomever enters. Juniors Amanda Clammi and Rick Hardwell hope that the SEXPY will add positive contributions to sexual discussion and experimentation. “I’d even go as far as to say that we will end up being more...

Suffering from TV fatigue? Have you watched so much Netflix that you’re beginning to see the red screen everywhere you go? Well, you’re S.O.L., because there’s a plethora of new programming to make sure that you won’t leave your house until the authorities have called off the search.   Sunday If you enjoy “The Simpsons” or “Family Guy,” then you’ll love Seth MacFarland’s “Dysfunctional Family.” Don’t worry if you’ve seen any of FOX’s other cartoons, you know the drill by now. There’s a mentally deficient dad with a wife WAY...

After years of loyal service, Grizz T. Logger is no longer the mascot for the University of Puget Sound. In a campus-wide effort to promote a greater sense of authenticity in the Puget Sound community, veteran lumberjack Jim-Bob Gunther has replaced Grizz. “Mr. Gunther’s employment is the first step the University is taking to bring us into the 21st century,” said University spokesman Phil Moore at a recent press conference. “Also, having an anthropomorphic bear who chops trees for a mascot is ridiculous when we can hire an actual logger...

The campus community is breathing easy after it was revealed that yesterday’s lockdown was a false alarm. The alarm was started by a student who notified Security Services about a wild animal on campus. The animal turned out to be Al, an ordinary house cat. Sophomore Talia Dunn was walking to Anderson/Langdon from Wyatt when she saw the cat emerge from a shrub and pace towards her.  Alarmed, Talia immediately ran to the nearest campus emergency station and summoned Security, telling them that “some sort of furry predator” was stalking...

It’s the end of the semester, and that means a number of things for the Puget Sound community. Papers need to be written, tests need to be studied for and reading period needs to have at least two awesome parties. This year, however, sees the return of the infamous “Midnight Breakfast,” and I, for one, am outraged. Let me explain the ways that Midnight Breakfast is straight-up stupid. First and foremost, it’s breakfast at midnight. Not only is it a deliberate attempt to shock the students into thinking that eating...

With the recent controversy and horror surrounding the child abuse at the hands of former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky and the alleged subsequent cover-up by Penn State officials still in the headlines, there is a fresh new terror that has Penn State students rioting in the streets: ASUPS has cut the Ski Team’s budget for the forthcoming winter season. “It’s completely stupid and irresponsible how their student government could do something so terrible to that school. This is just a natural response,” junior Jacob Marshall said, amidst downed light posts...

To put it simply, there is no better place in the entire world than the outdoors. In recognition of those amazing places, here’s my personal list of things I love about the outdoors. First off, when you adventure into the great wilderness with a group of friends, you begin to feel closer to society and civilization in general. This is especially true when you come across a gentle yet incredible waterfall or a sweeping view of a mountain valley and you feel the overwhelming sensation to tweet a picture. This...

Since the unveiling of the new capital campaign One at Weyerhauser Hall’s opening night, the administration has updated its 10-year Master Plan for the University of Puget Sound. Here are some recent additions to the plan: Weyerhauser Hall is to be demolished to make way for the Weyerhauser Hall Memorial. It will be dedicated to the memory of those two construction workers that died during the destruction of Weyerhauser. The Arboretum will be populated with exotic animals such as tigers, cheetahs and okapi to help Environmental Studies students learn to...