It’s the end of the semester, and that means a number of things for the Puget Sound community. Papers need to be written, tests need to be studied for and reading period needs to have at least two awesome parties. This year, however, sees the return of the infamous “Midnight Breakfast,” and I, for one, am outraged.
Let me explain the ways that Midnight Breakfast is straight-up stupid. First and foremost, it’s breakfast at midnight. Not only is it a deliberate attempt to shock the students into thinking that eating breakfast at midnight is “cool” and “hip,” but it’s also not that inspired. Getting drunk on warm Natty Light and shoveling breakfast food down one’s gullet already existed before Midnight Breakfast. It’s called “going to Denny’s.” Doesn’t sound that fun now, does it?
However, I find many of the other events at Midnight Breakfast to be interesting, so my solution for fixing Midnight Breakfast is simple: Change the time from midnight to 7 a.m. Research has proven that a majority of Western civilization believes that breakfast food should only be eaten between 7 a.m. and 10 a.m.
One of the added benefits of moving Midnight Breakfast to the morning would be a smaller number of drunken students. Granted, there will always be drunken students at these events, but this change would both weed out the amateur drinkers coughfreshmencough from the true partiers.
In conclusion, Midnight Breakfast would be better off for everyone involved if it was moved to the morning. That is, unless the campus community is okay with Puget Sound being known as “The IHOP Institute of Midnight Breakfast and Poor Decisions.”
