Combat Zone

ASUPS cut ski team budget; Penn State students riot again

With the recent controversy and horror surrounding the child abuse at the hands of former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky and the alleged subsequent cover-up by Penn State officials still in the headlines, there is a fresh new terror that has Penn State students rioting in the streets: ASUPS has cut the Ski Team’s budget for the forthcoming winter season.

“It’s completely stupid and irresponsible how their student government could do something so terrible to that school. This is just a natural response,” junior Jacob Marshall said, amidst downed light posts and broken store windows on the streets of State College, Pa. Effigies of Grizz the Logger were burned while students blew vuvuzelas and air horns.

“This is nothing,” sophomore Colby Anne said, as she tossed a rock towards the approaching riot squad. “It’s only Monday, so we’re still tired from the weekend. Wait until Friday for it to really get good.” As of press time, police were being dispatched to disperse the crowds with rubber bullets and pepper spray.

Since the riots began, reaction from Puget Sound has ranged from confused to indifferent. “Yeah, I’m not happy at all that the budget got slashed, but that doesn’t mean the team is going to flip over every van on campus,” senior Crystal Gaines said. “As awesome as that would be, it’s just unnecessary and has nothing to do with our budget being slashed.”