Combat Zone

I f***ing love nature

To put it simply, there is no better place in the entire world than the outdoors. In recognition of those amazing places, here’s my personal list of things I love about the outdoors.

First off, when you adventure into the great wilderness with a group of friends, you begin to feel closer to society and civilization in general. This is especially true when you come across a gentle yet incredible waterfall or a sweeping view of a mountain valley and you feel the overwhelming sensation to tweet a picture.

This brings me to my second point: I get amazing reception whenever I venture into the outdoors. My iPhone and iPad stay at a consistent five bars, enabling me to go anywhere and everywhere to lose myself in the wild and still be able to creep on my numerous ex-girlfriends. The best time I’ve ever had camping was when it was on Mount Nisquahami: Just me, the mountain and “Man vs. Wild” on Netflix.

One must be prepared at all times to deal with the worse case situation at any time using nothing but him or herself. Luckily, REI has an exclusive deal on everything you need to get lost in the middle of nowhere. Which is the third thing I love about the outdoors: merchandise. If I can just spill a little secret, I kind of prefer buying gear to being in the wilderness. But don’t let the others know or else I’ll be castigated, just like in high school. And then I’ll be forced to create a different façade  just to get another group of people to like me. Oh, God, my plot in life is sooo desolate!

Last but most certainly not least, the best thing about nature is the freedom. Being around the varied species of the wild brings out some of our baser instincts and it feels great to let go. Like the many beasts that inhabit the outdoors, I can relieve myself wherever I want and let the circle of life recycle my waste. Trust me, the first few times you defecate next to the campsite may feel awkward and embarrassing but you soon get addicted to it.