Articles written by: Pearl Knuckleson

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One dank American Institution

Hey guys, it’s your favorite stoner, Pearl “Necklace” Knuckleson, wishing you a wickedly green 4/20, or as I like to call it, Stoner Ramadan. Ramadan. Ramamamamadan. Such a cool word. Where was I? Oh yeah, 4/20! Since the beginning of time, this holiday has been the source of much celebration. […]

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Exciting new classes for Fall 2012

It’s that time of year again! No, not that time, the other one. Yeah, the registration one. What do you mean, you don’t care?!? Whoop-de-s*** if you’re a senior, there are other people on this campus too! Whatever. Here’s a look at some classes next fall. CONN375-Jersey Shore Genealogy This […]

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New ‘SEXPY’ now open

As Puget Sound’s new Wetlands publication is dominating many students’ imaginations, not a whole lot of attention has been given to another new and sexual addition to the campus community. Starting Monday, the new Sexual Expeditionary, or SEXPY for short, will open in the basement of Kilworth Chapel, for the […]

Hank points to where he thinks, personally, the peas should go.
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Community gardener asserts authority: ‘Alder Community Garden’ now just ‘Hank’s garden’

The Alder Community Garden has been a campus fixture for years. However, a few weeks ago a controversy sprouted up regarding the garden’s ownership. Passive-aggressively but surely, the community garden has become known as Hank’s Garden. The garden began as a group effort between now-former friends and roommates Hank Nye, […]

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Brand spankin’ new Spring TV review

Suffering from TV fatigue? Have you watched so much Netflix that you’re beginning to see the red screen everywhere you go? Well, you’re S.O.L., because there’s a plethora of new programming to make sure that you won’t leave your house until the authorities have called off the search.   Sunday […]

Es Ud. un fanatico de la lucha?
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Es Ud. un fanatico de la lucha?

In honor of the superb exhibition of Lucha Libre that took place last weekend in the Fieldhouse, we here at the Trail thought it would be a good time to test your knowledge of Lucha Libre. 1. Lucha Libre wrestlers are known as “luchadores.” What is the English meaning of […]

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Mascot replaced by actual logger, ex-con

After years of loyal service, Grizz T. Logger is no longer the mascot for the University of Puget Sound. In a campus-wide effort to promote a greater sense of authenticity in the Puget Sound community, veteran lumberjack Jim-Bob Gunther has replaced Grizz. “Mr. Gunther’s employment is the first step the […]

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Digital cat fan fails to recognize real life cat, suffers from TFS

The campus community is breathing easy after it was revealed that yesterday’s lockdown was a false alarm. The alarm was started by a student who notified Security Services about a wild animal on campus. The animal turned out to be Al, an ordinary house cat. Sophomore Talia Dunn was walking […]

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Midnight Breakfast should be at 7 a.m.

It’s the end of the semester, and that means a number of things for the Puget Sound community. Papers need to be written, tests need to be studied for and reading period needs to have at least two awesome parties. This year, however, sees the return of the infamous “Midnight […]

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ASUPS cut ski team budget; Penn State students riot again

With the recent controversy and horror surrounding the child abuse at the hands of former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky and the alleged subsequent cover-up by Penn State officials still in the headlines, there is a fresh new terror that has Penn State students rioting in the streets: ASUPS has cut […]