Combat Zone

Back by popular demand, we at The Flail are naming the most fashion-forward student on campus. Last year’s contest was a nail-biter, but we were glad to proclaim people who wore Crocs as our winners! This year, we again went with the theme of stylish shoes, which we know will always be popular in our consistent and not-at-all fickle society. While we know that most people out there will say we exaggerated the popularity of this shoe, we are absolutely confident in saying that yes, we really did inflate its...

    Last year, the University of Puget Sound conducted a survey in which they asked students how they thought campus life could best be improved. The most common requests? Better food and better Wi-Fi connection. The campus administration heard these complaints and fervently started brainstorming solutions. It took a lot of time and a lot of money, but students finally got what they wanted: the Wheelock Student Center renovations are now complete. Two deli stations, an additional upstairs seating area and, yes, what we’ve all been asking for, begging...

  Recently, dining services cut out some vegan options, namely the dough used in The Cellar’s pizza. A sign was erected next to the cash register in an attempt to raise student awareness about this wrongdoing. “I’m a vegan,” a Cellar employee said, “I won’t change that, and I deserve the same opportunities that a non-vegan is given. If I want pizza, why can’t I have it too?” Many assumed the issue had come from a lack of funding, but were outraged to find out the truth behind the cutbacks...

Monday: Slightly sunny, potential afternoon rainfall Probability of rain: 100% Tuesday: Sunny, no cloud coverage, warm! Probability of rain: 97% Wednesday: Overcast with potential rainfall starting around 2 p.m. Probability of rain: 100% Thursday: Rain Probability of rain: 100% Friday: Rain, possible thunderstorms Probability of rain: 240% Saturday: Weak morning sun, a feeble attempt at fooling Washington residents of one, dry, sunny day Probability of rain: 96% Sunday: Sunny! Low humidity, dry, warm, absolutely beautiful weather!...

As you can probably tell, we’re pretty excited here at The Flail for what promises to be the Best Finals Week Ever. Finals week is not only a prime opportunity to demonstrate the much-sought after ability to put 25-page papers off until the last minute, it’s also a perfect time for pranks, like hiding your roommate’s final project in the Chamber of Secrets in the women’s bathroom of Howarth. He really shouldn’t have eaten your cheese puffs that one time. The university has long since given up using finals week...

After a long and heated conversation with my parents last Friday, I concluded that, when you really consider my actions, I am in no way an adult capable of being responsible about mostly anything. While I understand that legally I am technically an adult because I have experienced my 18th birthday, lived on my own and can buy my own alcohol, I believe these are just a few of the accomplishments a person must achieve to be a productive and effective citizen in society. For example, in addition to the...

This past Saturday a dance was hosted by the school for the enjoyment and merriment of all involved. However, some students were less than thrilled with the theming of the event. “I just think it touches on feelings and wounds that aren’t quite healed yet,” an anonymous freshman said. Another student was quoted as saying, “So many people lost their lives to this horrible tragedy, it’s not right to use their memory as an excuse to get drunk and hook-up!” The dance has indeed formed somewhat of a schism on...

In a stroke of marketing genius, Dodger Blatheramm, Head of Public Relations, decided to relocate the Point Defiance Zoo Exhibit to the Music Building in order “to bring attention to the wildly diverse student body we have here on campus” and “to really show students that we’re committed to ‘Living Green.’ What’s more green than letting the flora and fauna we borrowed from the zoo have a new life in the practice rooms?” Not all are very pleased about the changes. Director of bands Marshal Gard was heard to have...

A couple of weeks ago, two squirrels ransacked a house full of English majors who, for all their knowledge of obscure Renaissance vocabulary, simply could not reason with the little devils. “I opened the door one afternoon after I got out of class and found them just sitting on my doorstep. I tried to say hello to them and offer some Earl Grey like any respectable man of literature but they just ran between my legs and started chewing on all of our books. ‘How rude!’ I thought. It was...

In a spooky revelation that has shocked the campus community, sources have finally confirmed that the fabled ghost of Wyatt is actually pale student Jessica Walters. The announcement came after a three year study that followed the ghost during her time in Wyatt, noting its location, habits and the occasional small banter with other classmates. “At first we thought that there actually was a ghost in Wyatt. The ghost had class from 8-12, then would disappear, and come back for gender studies from 1-2. Once we started recognizing these patterns...