Combat Zone

University responds to slow Wi-Fi with S.U.B. renovation

 

 

Last year, the University of Puget Sound conducted a survey in which they asked students how they thought campus life could best be improved. The most common requests? Better food and better Wi-Fi connection.

The campus administration heard these complaints and fervently started brainstorming solutions. It took a lot of time and a lot of money, but students finally got what they wanted: the Wheelock Student Center renovations are now complete.

Two deli stations, an additional upstairs seating area and, yes, what we’ve all been asking for, begging for and waiting for: an expanded Grab-And-Go station. Naturally, such drastic changes will take some time to get used to, but for those mourning the Student Union Building of last year, don’t worry, because not everything has changed. The two deli stations still have exactly the same amount of foccacia and ciabatta bread that the one deli station had last year.

Sophomore Dana Donnelly spoke on the renovations.

“I’m on season three of Breaking Bad and I haven’t been able to connect to Netflix to finish streaming it. Don’t tell me what happens, you cannot tell me what happens. Someone spoiled the ending of the Sopranos to me a week ago and I’m still upset. Can I have a router? What’s a router? What’s guest-access? How do I use an ethernet cable? What’s an ethernet cable?” Donnelly said.

Unbeknownst to Donnelly, streaming quality has actually dramatically improved. You can now stream 50 different flavors of Dr. Pepper from the new Coke Freestyle Beverage Stations.

“I never used to drink Cherry-Vanilla flavored coke, but now I have it every day,” Sophomore Ethan Boulay said. “Or like twice a day. Three times a day sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I like it. I like it a lot. I have a lot of energy now. It’s great. I love cherry-vanilla coke, love it, love it, love it.”

Despite the drastic measures the University is taking to improve campus life, some students have managed to find faults.

“They didn’t label the sourdough bagels last year and they haven’t labeled the sourdough bagels this year,” Donnelly said. “I don’t like sourdough bagels, but I eat them almost every day. Sometimes I’ll try to get a sourdough bagel in hope that it’s not a sourdough bagel, but it’s usually a sourdough bagel.”

The University handles complaints like Donnelly’s by addressing the problems head-on.

“In addition to expanded kitchen space on the first floor, the addition includes a second floor seating area for 200 people as well as new staff offices,” a statement from the University read.

If there’s anything that has struck a chord with Puget Sound students, it’s the second floor seating area. At noon on a weekday afternoon, it’s almost impossible to get a table there, or anywhere in the S.U.B. for that matter.

Architecturally, the second floor seating area is clean, modern and simple, free of blemishes like charging outlets and trash cans. Sunlight streams in through the windows four days a year.

The cozy booths have been replaced with around two dozen tables meant for you and six of your closest friends. Those heavy wooden chairs have been replaced with lightweight models which one could only describe as “Ikea kitchenware chic.”

With the new renovations, the University must deal with a different, more ominous problem: now that they’ve created the perfect on-campus experience, what’s next?

Like Beyoncé, the University now must grapple with the biggest problem it has ever faced, bigger than Wi-Fi, or chairs or treating students with seasonal-affective disorder: they must find a way to improve on perfection.

 

 

Last year, the University of Puget Sound conducted a survey in which they asked students how they thought campus life could best be improved. The most common requests? Better food and better Wi-Fi connection.

The campus administration heard these complaints and fervently started brainstorming solutions. It took a lot of time and a lot of money, but students finally got what they wanted: the Wheelock Student Center renovations are now complete.

Two deli stations, an additional upstairs seating area and, yes, what we’ve all been asking for, begging for and waiting for: an expanded Grab-And-Go station. Naturally, such drastic changes will take some time to get used to, but for those mourning the Student Union Building of last year, don’t worry, because not everything has changed. The two deli stations still have exactly the same amount of foccacia and ciabatta bread that the one deli station had last year.

Sophomore Dana Donnelly spoke on the renovations.

“I’m on season three of Breaking Bad and I haven’t been able to connect to Netflix to finish streaming it. Don’t tell me what happens, you cannot tell me what happens. Someone spoiled the ending of the Sopranos to me a week ago and I’m still upset. Can I have a router? What’s a router? What’s guest-access? How do I use an ethernet cable? What’s an ethernet cable?” Donnelly said.

Unbeknownst to Donnelly, streaming quality has actually dramatically improved. You can now stream 50 different flavors of Dr. Pepper from the new Coke Freestyle Beverage Stations.

“I never used to drink Cherry-Vanilla flavored coke, but now I have it every day,” Sophomore Ethan Boulay said. “Or like twice a day. Three times a day sometimes.

I like it. I like it a lot. I have a lot of energy now. It’s great. I love cherry-vanilla coke, love it, love it, love it.”

Despite the drastic measures the University is taking to improve campus life, some students have managed to find faults.

“They didn’t label the sourdough bagels last year and they haven’t labeled the sourdough bagels this year,” Donnelly said. “I don’t like sourdough bagels, but I eat them almost every day. Sometimes I’ll try to get a sourdough bagel in hope that it’s not a sourdough bagel, but it’s usually a sourdough bagel.”

The University handles complaints like Donnelly’s by addressing the problems head-on.

“In addition to expanded kitchen space on the first floor, the addition includes a second floor seating area for 200 people as well as new staff offices,” a statement from the University read.

If there’s anything that has struck a chord with Puget Sound students, it’s the second floor seating area. At noon on a weekday afternoon, it’s almost impossible to get a table there, or anywhere in the S.U.B. for that matter.

Architecturally, the second floor seating area is clean, modern and simple, free of blemishes like charging outlets and trash cans. Sunlight streams in through the windows four days a year.

The cozy booths have been replaced with around two dozen tables meant for you and six of your closest friends. Those heavy wooden chairs have been replaced with lightweight models which one could only describe as “Ikea kitchenware chic.”

With the new renovations, the University must deal with a different, more ominous problem: now that they’ve created the perfect on-campus experience, what’s next?

Like Beyoncé, the University now must grapple with the biggest problem it has ever faced, bigger than Wi-Fi, or chairs or treating students with seasonal-affective disorder: they must find a way to improve on perfection.