Combat Zone

This past Tuesday, college radio station first-year DJ, DJ J.D., boldly played a Billboard Top 1000 song during his radio show. Much to his surprise, the DJ community swiftly cancelled his show and excused him from the station. “It was an abomination,” sophomore DJ Barely Barley said. “That song is trash, utter trash. Doesn’t he read any music blogs?” In a statement from DJ J.D., he reported never having been on SoundCloud and did not have even one music blog bookmarked on his computer. “I really like that song, actually,”...

First-year student Richie Basehart is Puget Sound’s newest Big Man on Campus (BMOC). “I have all the friends I could ever want,” Basehart said. He added, mock-blushing, “and all the ladies too.” “I’ve never been this popular,” he continued. Basehart described himself as friendly, charming, attractive and funny. “I already won the genetic lottery physically, but it’s my personality that really attracts people,” he said. “I always tell people, ‘If you had my personality and your looks, it’d be a slam dunk!’ And that’s a compliment!” Basehart owns a dependable,...

Today’s article is brought to you by Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo: If Something F***ed Up Is Happening, It’s Probably An Old White Man Trying to Make Money. Speaking of old men who are using white privilege to further control the country, the ever-fun midterm elections have ended. For all those who may not know, the midterm elections are a very clear reminder of how outstanding our representative democracy is. At least for the people that really matter: rich, old white men. Yes these outstanding citizens are the ones that truly...

It’s almost that time again. No, I’m not talking about when we get such a weird fascination with Pumpkin Spice Lattes (that would be a shallow topic). No, it’s time for you to dress up for Halloween! Yes, now is the time to see who has the money to spend on exorbitantly priced costumes and to secretly judge them behind their back. Understandably, there won’t be many interesting costumes save one student’s this year. Against all odds, one student is going to be dressing up as something truly creative. Resembling...

On October 12 the Seattle Seahawks fans were removed from play by head referee John Turfel after the Seahawks scored in the third quarter and their behavior became uncontrollable. It took two and a half hours to remove all Seahawks fans from the stadium, but the game eventually resumed. “It felt like a scrimmage, there was only a handful Cowboys fans who stuck around, and it was dead silent” starting quarterback, Russell Wilson, said, “I’ll admit it was very relaxing not being yelled at for two and a half hours...

In honor of Halloween, I sat down with That Girl from That Horror Movie on Netflix to talk about fashion, real estate and online shopping. Q: You had just moved into your house in this quiet suburban neighborhood when weird things started happening. Tell me about that. A: Well, the house was great at first. High ceilings, wet bar in the dining room, someone had died in it a couple months before— Q: Someone had died in it? A: Yeah. I don’t know. We didn’t think it was a big...

The top high-school Frisbee player has committed to the University of Puget Sound club Frisbee team. The new recruit is named Max Peanut-butter.  Peanut-butter is a purebred American Fox Hound. His father has won many North American Gun Dog competitions, while Peanut-butter’s mother won the National Dog Show presented by Purina in 2006. “The dog has literally been bred to play Frisbee,” Tanner Smith said. “Max’s parents are some of the finest dogs in North America and the world.” Smith is a dog breeder located in Manchester, Kentucky. Peanut-butter was...

Recently, there was an article published in this paper entitled “Crows on campus causing problems for students.” Some very hurtful words were thrown at my crow brethren like “pervasive” and “infestation.” I sought out the crow leader to show them this article and the response was quite simple: “We were here first, a**holes. My family has been here for generations, and suddenly you people show up acting like you own the place. Well, guess what, you don’t own sh**. You call us a ‘flock of pests’ when it is you...

Tensions between North and South Quad appear to be at an all-time high, particularly since the failed attempt of North Quad to launch multiple Frisbees at South Quad residents on Oct. 14. Fortunately, due to the failure of the attack, South Quad has declared it will not launch a counterattack. Up until this attack, many students did not believe that North Quad even possessed Frisbees. It was suspected to be a bluff posed by the revered RA who resides in North Quad. The RA has been known to fabricate stories...