Combat Zone

Puget’s Potty Press
Combat Zone

Puget’s Potty Press

An exclusive look at Puget Sound’s bathrooms by Combat Zone writer Mad Punz and consultant Darn Schultz Over Thanksgiving break, while most people left campus and went home to eat their weight in turkey, I—accompanied by my consultant Darn Schultz (and occasionally Bathroom Guru Tim)—went around to every bathroom on […]

Combat Zone

Campus unsafe for babies

WHEELOCK CENTER—Citing many Puget Sound students’ comments about wanting to “steal that baby,” a study released by the KATO institute found that the University of Puget Sound is an unsafe place for babies. Babies are defined by Webster Dictionary as smaller versions of people but much cuter and less likely […]

Combat Zone

Student accidentally finds lifelong passion

A new career path opened up for senior Tad Zilch last weekend after embracing some unexpected responsibilities at a party. Zilch,  a Science and Technology in Society major, came home Saturday night to find that his housemates were hosting a party after completing their senior capstone projects. “No one told […]

Combat Zone Clairvoyants: Combat Zone writers predict that students will be reading something new in the future.
Combat Zone

Combat Zone writers predict future news

New year, new staff. According to Combat Zone editor Michelle Loserby, in years past she looked for writers who were “witty, confident and observant.” In a twilight-zone turn of events, Loserby recently started to notice that her staff had a knack for predicting future occurrences. “It was the weirdest thing,” […]

Combat Zone

New Teen Television Show in Search for Adults to Play Highschoolers

T he network is looking for seven teenagers to act in the thrilling new drama. “Ideally we hope to find seven highly overdeveloped 16 year-olds to star as sophomores experiencing high levels of drama,” casting director Bob Hanson told The Flail in a recent interview. “They need to look like […]

Combat Zone

Student Complaining About Wi-Fi Wipes Tears Away With Tissues Made of Privilege

Following a particularly tough week of having to actually do some homework and studying with minimal access to Wi-Fi, student Whit was on the point of breaking down from the stress. Sources say he was forced to get his stash of tissues that his mom had sent him. These tissues […]

Combat Zone

Finally, ‘senator at large’ title MIGHT CHANGE to ‘senator at indIscernible size’

Students recently elected new ASUPS senators for the 2015-2016 academic year. Despite reporting satisfaction with the actual people elected, one campus group was dismayed by the newly elected Senators at Large. That is, they were dismayed by the term ‘Senators at Large.’ Campus social justice group SADBOYS (Students Against Derogatory […]

Combat Zone

Presidential Candidate Ted Cruz Finally Ready to Tell the Truth… Maybe

Last week, Republican senator Ted Cruz of Texas became the first politician to announce his campaign for the 2016 Presidential election. Since the announcement, which Cruz delivered at Liberty University in Lynchburg, Va., the senator has faced countless accusations of lying and making false statements, particularly because of the ad […]

Combat Zone

Student Extremely Relieved Student Government Elections Not A Total Disaster

Heaving a sigh of relief, a local student was thrilled to express that they and the rest of the campus were all still here in one piece. There had been a growing fear that things were not looking good following recent accusations of corruption. “I really felt things turned out […]

Senior Finds Solace in Performace Art
Combat Zone / Highlights

Senior Finds Solace in Performace Art

Senior Communication Studies major Aricka Johns—a.k.a. ‘Beetle’—has decided after nearly eight semesters that academia is “passé.” But Beetle has found a panacea for her academic annoyances: performance art. “Aricka, er, um, Beetle—sorry, I’m still getting used to calling her that—just decided one day that performance art was the solution to […]