By Emmet O’Connor
As the D.O.G.E. train railroads public institutions like PBS and the HHS, Elon Musk and his team of crackpot Redditors have shifted their aim to the total restructuring of our capitalist system. Similar to the Bitcoin movement, the D.O.G.E. team tackling the economy wants to completely move away from fiat currency. Their plan to replace the dollar is to flood the market with digital currencies tied to Simoleons from the Sims 3.
One of the members of the D.O.G.E. subcommittee, a 16 year old named Nathan who was recruited out of a Fortnite voice channel by Elon Musk himself, gave us the reason that the team chose Sims 3. “Sims 3 was the obvious choice since it was before the Sims went woke.” He was very avoidant, however, when we asked him the economic rationale behind this movement to Simoleons as currency, opting instead to repeat the phrase “It’s lowkey just for the bit.”
After this decision was announced, there was a rapid increase in the sales of Sims 3. However, with this rise in popularity there was also a rise in people attempting to use cheat codes to fill their Sims — and by extension their own — wallets. “I’m just trying to get my money up and it’s so easy to just put in a code and get Simoleons directly into my bank account,” one scammer said. When the question of ethics was brought up, it was quickly dismissed: “Ethics? It’s the Sims, it’s not real. It’s not like I’m gonna be charged for fraud.”
By the end of last week Elon Musk announced that Simoleon fraud would be considered equivalent with fiat fraud. This decision sent shockwaves through the burgeoning community of Sims 3 fraudsters. There have been several hundred arrests across the country already.
On the ground, people have had a hard time adjusting to the new currency. One man we caught exiting a 7/11 told us about how he ended up entering into the Simoleon market: “I first heard about it on Twitter, sorry, X, sorry, Twitter, X, and thought why the hell not? I lost my job at the CDC and needed to make money somehow. Plus I had an old PC with the Sims 3 downloaded on it.” He then explained what it was like to earn and use Simoleons: “The whole process is so monotonous, I wake up and boot up the game, then force my Sim to interact with other Sims until they get Simoleons as gifts … it takes forever.” He then went on to explain that the chips and beer he had gotten from the 7/11 were bought entirely with the digital Sims currency.“This cost me roughly 750,000 Simoleons.”
There was no effort made by those heading the D.O.G.E. sub committee to clear any of this with the Sims 3 developer Electronic Arts, which has now plunged Musk into a legal battle with the game developer. The repercussions of this new economic model are yet to be seen. However, it does not appear as if it will be viable for much longer, with both the ongoing lawsuit and the fact that normal money still exists.