Fearless. Sprightly. Youthful. These are all words that effortlessly slip from the tongue as we bear witness to our President’s health journey. As many would say, “not all heroes wear capes.” Well, ours sure deserves one. President Donald Trump has not only been fighting a war with Iran, but has also been bravely fighting one within his own immune system, and we are certain he will conquer this illness just as he conquered that conflict. Trump has made consistent efforts to downplay his illness so as not to worry us, and his empathy is unimaginable. Though his health, both physical and cognitive, has been under fire lately, we at the Combat Zone are assured that regardless of whether the president strokes out, his mental capability would remain the same. This might just make him the healthiest man alive!
As of late, Trump has been mercilessly abused by the general public. His swollen ankles and bruising on his hands, covered poorly with concealer in many photos, have caught the attention of the lamestream media. They degrade his appearance, and post mean-spirited videos of him tripping and stumbling. In early September, conspiracies circulated about his potential death after he was (to our greatest despair) not seen for six entire days in a row, his longest hiatus since coming into office. God forbid he takes a day (or several) off to golf! We could never imagine how stressful this presidency must be, and the kind of toll it takes on a man, even one as strong and capable as he.
Even at 79 years young and an alleged 224 pounds, our President’s body remains the picture of health. He is what all young men aspire to be, as his weight has an incredible way of fluctuating- every time he reports it, he appears to shed pounds! This is likely due to his intense fitness regimen of golfing, wandering the White House roof, and tripping up and down the stairs. His high activity level surely burns calories and explains his incredible figure. Not only that, but his tan is just unbelievably natural! He, of course, humbly acknowledges how beautiful his body is, as he told the New York Post in 2011, “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well-documented, are various other parts of my body.” We could not agree more, and are anxiously awaiting his feature on the cover of Men’s Fitness.
But physical health is not the main concern people have raised for Trump. After countless disorienting press conferences, questions have been raised about his mental fitness to serve as president. “Trump’s mental decline is on vivid display,” USA Today reported. Most recently, he’s been flamed for his struggle to pronounce acetaminophen. In all fairness, what qualifies us to criticize his pronunciation, when we ourselves will never be able to voice our dreams for America as eloquently as he does? Our fearless leader’s mental acuity could take several hits and still render him just as effective as right now. But don’t take our word for it — take his. “I don’t know what to tell you other than I got every answer right,” he said of his cognitive test performance. As we said, nothing to worry about.
Many have pointed out the irony of Trump’s “mental decline”, given his similar criticism of Joe Biden. However, Biden was a different case. His mental acuity was melted by the
liberal agenda, rendering him unable to lead the country in his right mind. Trump, however, is as sharp as can be, so sharp that he can guide us into conflict with multiple countries at once! This is because he is an amazing multitasker and promotes efficiency. Sleepy Joe could never do all of this! While we at the Combat Zone acknowledge the old age that has come over both Presidents, we would also like to call attention to the way their respective side effects present. While Biden is slurring his words and forgetting his sentences, President Trump is eloquently explaining away how he has forgotten to release the Epstein Files. Let’s be honest, who hasn’t forgotten something so minor and irrelevant?
Donald Trump, our dearest and most beloved president, is not only transcendent in the political progress he is eliciting within our country, but also through his wit and astonishingly charming looks. Thank goodness we have such an idol for our young men to look up to (a mentally stable one, that is). What we need to remember as a country is that the more we criticize our president within our media, the more we are straying away from our purpose as a country. By doubting his mental capability, we are doubting the presidency itself, and therefore our “democracy.” Our president is about as close as we can get to reaching Heaven, and we must thus bestow upon him our trust and our love.