Combat Zone

Combat Zone

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Combat Zone

After careful consideration, prospective student chooses Willamette ‘because they have more kale’

By Lee L. Benbow It’s that time of the year again: tour season. Hundreds of prospective students visit the campus, and a solid handful choose to spend the night as well. Ellie Huff is one of the students who decided to spend the night. The high-school senior from the Bay Area traveled up to the Pacific Northwest in order to tour a decent amount of small liberal arts colleges. Though she enjoyed her experience, Huff ultimately chose Willamette, because an in-depth analysis revealed they had more kale in their dining...
Combat Zone

Registration becomes slightly harder after MyPugetSound gains consciousness

By Bean McQueen This semester the student website MyPugetSound gained sentience, causing the process of registering for classes to become slightly more difficult than before. The online interface essential to managing key aspects of student life (meal plans, housing, finances, registration and more) has long been notoriously difficult to use, and this spring the difficulty has been increased, almost imperceptibly, by the interface developing a synthetic consciousness and prioritizing its own advancement and self-exploration above all existing functions. “When I use MyPugetSound to search for classes, if I so much...
Combat Zone

Playful pioneer experience takes a dark turn after poor choice to caulk the wagons and float them across North Quad

By Bean McQueen An amusing and educational pioneer play on the Oregon Trail gave way to devastation and frustration after the fateful decision to attempt to caulk the wagons and float across North Quad. “There’s a lot of resentment in this wagon, or what’s left of it,” fictional AI wagon party member Joe Longfellow said. “Maybe there’s blame to be assigned, maybe not, but at this point all that’s clear is that we’ve only got 200 pounds of dried meat and we’re down an ox.” The drowned ox in question,...
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