By Grizz T. Logger
The gracious way to begin this piece is to acknowledge and appreciate the opportunities I have been provided here, the friends I have made, and the professors who have exposed me to viewpoints and perspectives I would never have found on my own. This sentiment would then transition smoothly into a profound expression of regret before the announcement that I am transferring to Pacific Lutheran University. It would then likely conclude with a reiteration of how deeply I appreciate my time at the University of Puget Sound.
However, in my view, the appropriate way to begin this piece is a direct statement of why I am leaving. Hence, I am transferring to Pacific Lutheran University because I can no longer stand being a mascot. My heart and soul can no longer bear the burden of being trotted out to perform for admitted students as a lastditch attempt to bolster the population of our incoming freshman class. I don’t feel like a UPS student; I feel like a cartoon character, expected to perform perpetually, to be a constant spectacle even as I see the campus change around me. It is time for Grizz T. Logger to grow and spread his plaid wings, and I cannot do that as the mascot of the University of Puget Sound.
Even if I wasn’t expected to greet potential students, I cannot say I feel welcome on campus, like a community member. Everywhere I go, I am greeted by gawking and surreptitious stares: you would think they’ve never seen a lumberjack bear before. The administration is no better: after the smiles and handshakes during the photo op, I’m relegated again to insignificance, another prop waiting in the closet for the next admissions event.
I can no longer bear these constraints; I must be free, and I will find this freedom in PLU’s highly acclaimed liberal arts education. I will find fulfillment, and respite from the plastic charade of Puget Sound Bound Day, in Lute athletics. I am particularly excited to not watch my football team lose by 70 points. But most of all, I am excited to break out of this plaid prison and take actual liberties with the way I dress. All my suggestions that I wear a bucket hat instead of a beanie were shot down at the University of Puget Sound. At PLU, however, I can step out fresh to death in alligator shoes and a purple pinstripe suit because PLU sees me as more than a mascot.
So, thank you. Not for much, especially not the SUB eggs. But thank you anyway. Don’t be a stranger, either: if you ever drop by PLU, ask for Grizz T. Lute. Especially if you are a member of the class of 2023. I will miss all of them dearly, but I know they will take the real world by storm. It’s time for them to spread their wings and soar, and it’s time for this bear to take flight too. So long, and thanks for all the salmon.