Combat Zone

It was an unseasonably sunny day for the University of Puget Sound, and freshman Edwin Rodgers was on his way to the library to study. Things were peaceful. He was happy. And it seemed as though nothing could bring him down. That is when he saw her. Bearing down on him, one nonchalant step at a time, was an attractive girl. Edwin’s caffeine-soaked mind sprang into action. He kind of maybe almost knew her. They had been at the same house party on Saturday. Her name was Alli... or perhaps...

By PIETER VAN DEFERENS “My penis is a mountain, silent and majestic,” announced senior Steve Johnson.  “My penis is a shining sword, a mighty tool, a monument.” “My penis is angry!” rejoined sophomore Chris Haardschaft.  “It is purple and aching and my balls, my balls, my balls, blue and swollen, how they cry out for freedom and release!” Such were the priapic odes of Puget Sound’s inaugural performance of  “The C*ck Talks” Friday night in Club Rendezvous.  The show drew a mix of criticism and praise from campus audiences, who...

As freshman, we had about 10 days of blissful peace. Then the rest of you showed up. I thought I’d compile a list of some of the interesting things I noticed about our dear, dear upperclassmen, because you yourselves are probably far too high to make observations on any scale less than the cosmic. Throw on your prescription-less glasses and buckle up those tight ass jeans, because we’re off: 1.) You don’t want us freshmen guys at your parties. It’s cool. We get it. We have our own parties anyway....

When George Robertson woke up, he didn’t know where he was. He had no sense of how long he’d been unconscious, and he couldn’t feel his legs. Fighting panic, he called out, and a doctor informed him that he was, in fact, in St. Joseph medical center. “You’re lucky to be alive,” the doctor told him. This news was heartening to George. “When the docs started talking about how lucky I was, I figured something awesome had happened. Like, I dunno, maybe they gave me a robot hand or something....

A new anthology of student-created works celebrating a more traditional view of human sexuality is coming to Puget Sound. The founders felt that since the good students of Puget Sound cannot stop worshiping their sexual organs and their use in every possible form of media, a little balance was required:   “And ye shall feel me wriggling up inside yourselves, for I am the joyous eel of light and glory.”—Steve 7:12  ...

Due to the high price of commercial airtime, the National Football League no longer has enough money to air content during the Superbowl. Competition between national corporations has made Superbowl advertising the most contested of any space all year, and companies forking over huge amounts of money no longer want to give up their space for silly trifles like football games. The League’s financial problems have been caused by the 4-hour long Superbowl and its array of capitalistic philosophies. An average game, at 3.5 million dollars per 30 seconds, would...

What can I say about this show that hasn’t already been said? Hilarious, profound and at times deeply unsettling, The Vagina Monologues challenged my ideas about what it means to be a fully realized human being. Is it possible for a single evening to fundamentally change the identity of a man? Before seeing The Vagina Monologues, there was an aspect of humanity that I had, until now, written off entirely as one-dimensional and only fit to satisfy. I was shown the error of my ways, and in such a creative...