Combat Zone

By Ishaan al-Ghaib   Unsurprising to nearly everyone on campus, the recent endowment breakdown provided by the Puget Sound administration contained no information whatsoever. Our own compositional analysis further confirmed that any traces of substance were likely contaminants, as the administration is concurrently handling the substantial gentrification of the SUB. However, this email is still in contention for the title of “Most Meaningless Public Broadcast of the Year,” alongside @upsmissedconnections’s posts praising the music tastes of Divs and Opp employees, and all of Joe Biden’s condemnations of Benjamin Netanyahu. Hence, our...

By High Priest Mac Farfalle of the Vermicillical Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster   Friends, believers, and heathens: rejoice! The Alabama Supreme Court has ruled on the side of the good and just in granting personhood to embryos produced through in-vitro fertilization, and has won the good favor of the Vermicillical Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Unlike the mainstream, all but secular Pastafarians – with their loose and liberal interpretations of the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster – we read His Holy Noodly Word as it was meant...

By Ishaan Gollamudi     On paper, India is a secular country. The deliberate lack of a national religion was meant to reconcile India’s newfound nationhood with the fact that the only thing most of its population had in common was being subjugated by uniformed men with pasty skin and weak stomachs. That is why it was so jarring to see Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi not only breaking ground on the site of a demolished mosque – the Babri Masjid – but also inaugurating the Hindu temple constructed there. It...

Watch the trailer for "Eros and the Abyss" here!  By Judd Apatow   I don’t believe in asking why. If someone had asked me why I intended to make a movie starring Steve Carell as a middle-aged man who gave up on losing his virginity, I would probably have reconsidered right then and there and missed out on $21 million. The same principle applies here. I could ask why Werner Herzog moved in on my turf and made a raunchy sex comedy about desperate high school seniors… but I’m not going...