Combat Zone

Combat Zone

Best last-minute halloween costumes

The costume that sends a strong message about the importance of safe sex: NAME: The broken condom* HOW TO: Put a plastic bag over your head (The Trail is not responsible for any accidental suffocation that may occur) and cut a hole in it. *(Warning: It is impossible to achieve a Halloween Hook-Up wearing this costume.) The costume that comments on the horrors of daily existence as opposed to myth or fantasy: NAME: Public transportation. HOW TO: Turn a refrigerator box on its side and cut holes for windows. You...
Combat Zone

Halloween Special: A history of campus hauntings

The Curse of the Ancient Cleveland Indians Fan Burial Ground Date: August-September, 1888 Location: All across campus Descryption: The university is known to have been built over an ancient Cleveland Indians fan burial ground, but the founders kept this a secret. The cover-up was undone during the first week of classes when voices, seeming to come from underground, were heard calling out to the material world things like: “What the hell? Did I break into da Rock’n’Roll Hall’a’Fame and pass out again?” and “We ain’t dead! Let us out! At...
Combat Zone

Dyslexic programmer responsible for Cascade

Collins Memorial Library has been notorious for technological issues: printers constantly fail, all computers mysteriously reboot at 10 p.m. every night, and so on. It seems as if there is always one thing screwy with the technology. But last week, it was discovered that all the technological failures were caused by a computer programmer with severe dyslexia who constantly entered code incorrectly. Brenda Flarfstein, a 33 year-old systems programmer for Technology Services, admitted to suffering from “Ohwano” dyslexia—a form of the learning disability dyslexia where the person writes and types...
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