Combat Zone

Libya cedes power to even crazier dictator

In a move sure to upset NATO leaders, Libya’s transitional congress has turned its back on Western-style democracy and placed government power in the hands of another dictator.

A statement made by Mohamed Mohamed, spokesmen for the National Transitional Council, outlined Libya’s new direction.

“We will never forget the atrocities committed against the Libyan people under the oppressive regime of Muammar Qaddafi,” Mohamed said.

“However, an insane dictatorship is an intrinsic part of Libyan cultural heritage,” continued Mohamed, “and we refuse to turn our backs on our past and placate the Western Imperialist dogs. Aware of our historical responsibilities, the National Transitional Council hereby cedes all of its powers and responsibilities to His Sublimity, Jethro Q. Al-Walrustitty.”

It is not yet clear what shape the Al-Walrustitty regime will take or how they expect to conduct relations with the West, the East or even neighboring African states.

Various news agencies, including The Trail, have attempted to contact the press branch of the new Libyan government, but all phone calls have been answered by a recording of Culture Club’s 1983 smash-hit “Karma Chameleon” followed by a series of grunts and honks vaguely resembling President Bill Clinton’s admission of an extramarital affair with Lewis and Clark College graduate Monica Lewinsky.

Documents leaked to Western media by opponents to the Al-Walrustitty regime show that dramatic changes are likely in store for the recently-liberated country.

In an official memorandum entitled, “Smang-Dang Orangutan” Al-Walrustitty declares new policies mandating that all business transactions be finalized by a hot dog eating contest between the two people engaging in the transactions and a notary of the public.

“Libya is making a stand,” Puget Sound Professor of International Relations Dirk Gently said. “They know how critical an insane dictator is to Libyan national identity. However, they’ve seen the dangers of a manically insane dictator, so it looks like the TNC will instead vest complete power in an insanely silly dictator. It’s a bold move, but it may pay off for Libya in the long run.”

On the other hand, NATO could be forced to intervene again in a few short years, and that could result in much more bloodshed than the recent operation.

“Have you ever seen what a tomahawk cruise missile does to a bus load of naked geriatrics armed with salad forks?” Puget Sound Dishwasher Jo Hanason said. “Well, let me tell you, it ain’t pretty, and its just the sort of thing Al-Walrustitty may force us to do.”