Articles written by: Giles Ferguson

Combat Zone

Plagiarism rates reach epidemic levels as finals approach

Students may feel pressured to complete papers well and quickly, and with the accessibility of new technology (the internet) students can plagiarize by copying and pasting information from other sources. This is easily detected by teachers for several reasons. First, students’ choices of sources are frequently unoriginal; instructors may receive […]

Combat Zone

Drylands: “Rid thy S.U.B. of these phallic junglefruit at once!”

Everyone goes to the S.U.B. Though its selection inevitably wears thin, it’s the most convenient way to get your hands on tasty burgers, fresh salads and moral corruption. Wait, what? Last week, the S.U.B.’s threat to the moral character of Puget Sound students became clear. Nigel Bixby, Editor-in-Chief of the […]

Combat Zone

Children gain suffrage

The very young men and women of Puquanashville, Washington are celebrating a key victory in the nationwide push for children’s suffrage. With the passage of H.R. 3575, children aged 4 to 12 were granted the right to vote. Bobby Monaghan, who submitted the bill, in crayon, to the city legislature, […]

Combat Zone

Record attendance at T/P “Stay In and Jerk Off” dorm event

It’s hard getting students involved in campus activities. Ask any hall Resident Assistant. “We’re always working against the apathy element,” said Lindsay Shamwow, T/P R.A. “We’ve got to come up with events that are fun and rewarding but can also fit into people’s schedules. And everyone is getting busier all […]

Combat Zone

Tour guides 90% “full of crap”

Last Tuesday, the Independent Tour Guide Association of America posted its annual review of Puget Sound’s campus tour program. The findings have proven an embarrassment to the university. It seems that an incredible 90% of what tour guides tell prospective students and their families is, in fact, complete horsecrap. The […]

Combat Zone

Essay contest winner disqualified for performance-enhancing alcoholism

Scandal engulfed the campus community last week in wake of the revelation that Kelly James, star of Puget Sound’s Humanities department, has been using alcoholism to boost her skills as a writer. The shocking news broke days after the announcement that Kelly had won UPS’ semi-prestigious Writing Excellence Award. The […]

Combat Zone

Shy guy hospitalized after eye contact

It was an unseasonably sunny day for the University of Puget Sound, and freshman Edwin Rodgers was on his way to the library to study. Things were peaceful. He was happy. And it seemed as though nothing could bring him down. That is when he saw her. Bearing down on […]

Combat Zone

Victim not that lucky to be alive, just unlucky to lose legs

When George Robertson woke up, he didn’t know where he was. He had no sense of how long he’d been unconscious, and he couldn’t feel his legs. Fighting panic, he called out, and a doctor informed him that he was, in fact, in St. Joseph medical center. “You’re lucky to […]

The Hella Chill
Combat Zone

Alexander the Hella Chill conquers Greek Life

After a year of internal struggle which saw the cancellation of chapters and fierce battles for leadership, Greek Life has been replaced and will henceforth be known as Macedonian Life. The great conqueror of the Greek Life is senior Alexander Jovanoski the Hella Chill—cooler than a polar bear’s toenail, fitter […]

Stew
Combat Zone

Snow forces student to turn to cannibalism

In the first week of the spring semester, winter came upon Tacoma with unprecedented vigor, depositing more than four inches of the fluffy white stuff. Snowball fights were fought. A massive snowman was erected and then sacrificed beside Todd Field. The school even cancelled classes, unleashing a rare double snow […]