Combat Zone

Everyone complains about the rain but no one does anything about it

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Sophomore Sally Stewart is tired of people’s crap. Everyday, she hears her peers say things like, “Shoot, I forgot my raincoat,” or “It’s really coming down out there,” or “When will I be able to wear my Chacos again? God, please save me from this soggy flesh prison!” Stewart is sick of people whining about the rain, but not taking any action.

Everyday she puts on her #Resistance shirt from Old Navy, her Pussyhat, her safety pin, and emerges into the rainy day.

“While everyone else stares out their windows ––– eyebrows as furrowed as Paul Ryan –– I’m deciding my own destiny. I refuse to be a self-assigned sad sack,” Stewart said. “Clearly none of my peers had that Ariana Grande quote in their band hall that read, ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world.’ Luckily I had that privilege and I’m going to use it for good.”

To use her privilege for the betterment of her local community, Stewart is taking matters into her own hands: “I’m organizing a social media campaign to combat the Devil’s tears,” Stewart said.

She changed her cover photo from a picture of the Women’s March to a picture of the sun, and her profile image to a bikini pic on a sunny beach in San Diego. She’s even gone the extra mile and tagged @God, @Sun and @Weather in the pictures.

“I thought about organizing people to build models of the sun, which would evaporate the rain,” Stewart said. “I went to Michaels yesterday and bought thousands of pipe cleaners, and fire-kindling, so that if I ever felt called to build sun models, I could,” Stewart said.

Stewart highly, highly, and I mean highly, doubts that she will ever organize an actual event, but said that it was the thought that counted: “Intention matters so much more than impact.”

Stewart’s activism has certainly had an impact. Michael’s employee Theresa Smith described her encounter with Stewart: “This little lady blew through here, bought out all of our pipe cleaners –– which is a huge problem because George W. Bush Elementary is about to have their science fair –– and demanded that 10 percent of her sales be donated to the Anti-Rain Campaign.” Smith claimed that she had never heard of an “anti-rain campaign,” but it sounded a lot like climate change.

“It feels so, so rewarding to take initiative and fight for what’s right,” Stewart said. “I’ve made it a goal to do an Instagram Live every day where I sing the ‘It’s raining / it’s pouring / the old man is snoring’ song backwards to encourage the rain to stop. It goes a little something like this: ‘Morning the in up get couldn’t And / head his bumped And / bed into got He / Snoring / man’s old The /pouring it’s / raining It’s.’”

Instagram Live both allows Stewart to get her hands dirty in activism, and provides a platform to launch her singing career. Her Instagram follower count has increased by 45 people since she started this work. “Sure, most of my new followers are flat-earthers, but I don’t exclude anyone from my activism. I’m all about a community of inclusivity,” she said.

Stewart’s goal is for rain to be a thing of the past for the Pacific Northwest. “With intentional activism, anything can happen,” Stewart sang to me. “I want my legacy to mean that no one in Washington state sees a drop on the sidewalk, dew on a leaf, a puddle or any body of water in the region. I know with the work I’m doing, anything is possible.”

If you want to support Sally Stewart and the Anti-Rain Campaign, hashtag all of your pictures #RainRainGoAway #ThoughtsAndPrayersForTheSun #DryPNW #NoRainForOurChildren #NoRainNoPain #RainRainDownTheDrain #SeeSallyStewartSing.


Editor’s note: Behold! @God hath no mercy — a plague of snow descended from the sky this weekend. Tweeting @TheHeavens increased 200 percent. #NeverGiveIn