Combat Zone

Anticipated rager turns out to be more of an intimate gathering

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

This past weekend, a party that was marketed as a huge rager ended up being more of an intimate gathering, hosts and attendees reported.

The party was scheduled to be the debut blowout for a student house recently dubbed “The Barnyard.” I met with Barnyard resident and party mastermind Holly Bernadeen to learn what happened.

“We were planning to have a huge, crazy party: dancing on rooftops, shots in the pool, music just blasting. Like in ‘Project X.’ But then it ended up being something even better: 16 people scattered over a large house and yard really getting to know each other,” Bernadeen said. “Did we expect over 200 people? Yes. Did several bathtubs full of jungle juice sit out, unwanted, only to be full of dead flies by the morning? Sure. But what we got was even better: just a really chill time.”

An entomological study showed that at the Barnyard party flies outnumbered people 200 to one.

Brett Kankard, another host and planner of the Barnyard Bash, not only regards the party a success, he considers it the catalyst of his enlightenment.

“The thing is, the central, the realist thing of it is, honestly, what it is, is that it’s not all about dancing,” Kankard said. “It’s not about music and it’s not about drinks. It’s not about girls and it’s not about the adult bounce house we paid hundreds of dollars to rent. It’s about … silence, and what that silence holds.” Kankard nodded affirmingly at his own statement, staring into the horizon with dead eyes.

A GoFundMe page has been created to fund the party’s bounce house, cheese fountain and live tiger, commodities that were supposed to be paid for with a $20 cover charge.

Some attendees praised the merits of the Barnyard Bash.

“I’ve never been to a party where I had so much space!” partygoer Alvin Boing said. “Whenever I go to a party, I’m like, ‘Excuse me,’ or, ‘Watch the elbow, please!’ It was wonderful to finally be at party where I could breathe. I could windmill my arms. I could do cartwheels. I could run sprints. I didn’t end up doing those things … but I could have.”

“My main complaint about most parties is how tired I am the next day,” partygoer Isabella Tooth said. “Normally, I’m having fun at the party and I don’t want to go home and then the next day I’m exhausted. But after the Barnyard Bash, I felt great, because I was back home in bed by 10:30.”

I spoke with party attendee Allegra Bones, a third floor Regester resident who who had a more neutral review.

“I’ve never been to a party before so I don’t know what to think,” Bones said, and then she quietly closed the door.

Other guests interviewed lauded the successful party, saying things like, “I love a good kickback,” “Last Friday was crazy!” “I’m still sad,” “What’s the Barnyard?” and “What are you talking about? I wasn’t there; nope, sorry.”

At press time, hosts Kankard and Bernadeen are still riding a high from the huge success and revolutionary nature of their rager-turned-intimate gathering.

“My mind is getting so big and so smart from the things I learned about life at the Barnyard Bash,” Kankard said. “I don’t think I’ll be partying again anytime soon. This was even better than when I took shrooms at Burning Man. … I have so many epiphanies I need to process, write down, express. … Maybe if someone else hosts.”

In contrast, Bernadeen was eager to throw another party soon.

“I had so much fun at our tiny party, and it was really so good and comfortable for me, that I’m excited to do it again, but even smaller!” Bernadeen said. “Next weekend, I’m going to have a really chill kickback called ‘Barnyard’s Back,’ and only invite really good friends. It will be so small. So exclusive. Please don’t print about it in your paper — I don’t want the word to get out! I don’t want a ton of people to show up and start raging! Please don’t print about the Barnyard’s Back Banger, this Saturday night, featuring local DJ Spinny Sal!”

I am obligated to report Bernadeen was aggressively winking throughout the prior quote.