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Ask the Love Attorney

Dear Love Attorney, I like a girl a lot and I want to write her a poem to win her over but I am borderline illiterate and apparently horrible at poetry. I hear you are a good poet. Do you have any tips for writing poetry, or better yet, any already-written love poems that I could read to her? From, Pablo Neurotic Dear Pablo, May I first say that you write very well for an illiterate, and illiteracy was never an excuse for being a bad poet. It never stopped...
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Halloween Special: A history of campus hauntings

The Curse of the Ancient Cleveland Indians Fan Burial Ground Date: August-September, 1888 Location: All across campus Descryption: The university is known to have been built over an ancient Cleveland Indians fan burial ground, but the founders kept this a secret. The cover-up was undone during the first week of classes when voices, seeming to come from underground, were heard calling out to the material world things like: “What the hell? Did I break into da Rock’n’Roll Hall’a’Fame and pass out again?” and “We ain’t dead! Let us out! At...
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Dyslexic programmer responsible for Cascade

Collins Memorial Library has been notorious for technological issues: printers constantly fail, all computers mysteriously reboot at 10 p.m. every night, and so on. It seems as if there is always one thing screwy with the technology. But last week, it was discovered that all the technological failures were caused by a computer programmer with severe dyslexia who constantly entered code incorrectly. Brenda Flarfstein, a 33 year-old systems programmer for Technology Services, admitted to suffering from “Ohwano” dyslexia—a form of the learning disability dyslexia where the person writes and types...
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