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Monday: Slightly sunny, potential afternoon rainfall Probability of rain: 100% Tuesday: Sunny,...
archiveabsurdism
Verdict reached: I am not a real adult
After a long and heated conversation with my parents last Friday, I...
Freshman gets suspended for self-plagiarizing
Last week, the English department faculty met with freshman Mogwai Gremlink to...
Titanic themed dance begs the question: too soon or no?
This past Saturday a dance was hosted by the school for the...
A pleasant visit to Point D
In a stroke of marketing genius, Dodger Blatheramm, Head of Public Relations,...
Commencement Hall residents increase demands for luxuries
Now that the new residence hall, otherwise known as Commencement Hall, has...
On-campus ghosts revealed to be just really pale students
In a spooky revelation that has shocked the campus community, sources have...
Anime fanboy’s nosebleeds uncontrollable
Henry Bishonen, once a super cute freshman by all accounts, has been...
A candid response to those annoying café whiners
Ida Dunn-Moore needs to step up her coffee game. Everyone is thankful...
What can I satirize?
After several hours of grueling Flail meetings and multiple rejected drafts on...
Security implements new admit hours system based on student G.P.A.
This coming fall, students who are locked out of their rooms will...