The Happy Trail

Lack of mutuality in oral sex prevents equal satisfaction between partners

Recently, a friend approached me for tips about blowjobs.  She is a virgin, and was nervous about her boyfriend’s reaction towards the bj.

What got me thinking was that she was spending so much time thinking about giving oral sex, but was this feeling reciprocated by her partner?  Is this situation normal for both sexual partners, or is this just the problem for one?

Oral Sex has a distinct place in many people’s minds.  Many see it as foreplay, and only in the quintessential blowjob performed on a man.

This one-way interaction is usually seen as a normal part of a hookup.  And if you don’t want to go all the way, why not just a quick little suck session, right?

Unfortunately, oral sex is too often a one-way orgasm for the dominant, or “top”, in a sexual relationship.  This leaves many partners high and dry without the release they desire.

This is seen in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships.  Oral sex between a male and female partner is commonly outlined as performing by the female, with vaginal intercourse afterwards.

Similarly, many same-sex relationships feature the same dynamic.  One stereotype of gay men who identify as tops persists in which only the bottom performs head, and that the top rarely does.

But one interesting part of this dynamic includes the status of the relationship.

One study in the Journal of Sex Research indicates that a majority of men interviewed only performed cunnilingus when they were in relationships, citing an “obligation”.  The men did simply did not feel the need to perform oral sex because they got everything they needed from their casual encounters.

The study also finds that many women said they do feel comfortable asking for oral sex from a men in a casual hook-up situation.  And many also responded that they need to talk about it when in relationships.

This again highlights one of the problems in the current climate when it comes to sex.  During sex, it isn’t all about you! You are with a partner who needs to get off just as much as you do, if not more!

The aforementioned study also cites how about one third of women climax during a hookup, as opposed to the overwhelming majority of men who ejaculated.  It cannot be outlined more perfectly.

Partners who want oral sex and just aren’t getting it have every right to voice their grievances, and ask for oral sex as part of sex.  One of my friends prides herself in her refusal to go down on her partner unless they go down on her as well.

Although this may seem like I’m trying to pressure straight guys into going muff diving (guilty), I want this to open up the ideas about needs of both individuals when it comes to oral sex.

Some people have preferences outlined when it comes to oral sex.  There are people who don’t give oral sex at all, and others who love to.  In contrast not every single individual wants oral sex, or enjoys it as much as others.

This again boils down to knowing what you want from sex and being open to what your partner wants as well.  Because you are not the only one who orgasms, and you shouldn’t necessarily be the only one who gets some dome.