Arts & Events

Sexual boundaries should always be a personally satisfying choice

To bone or not to bone? That is the question.

More precisely, that is the question many will be asking this Saturday night as they hunker down with a real cutie in a dorm room with all-too-thin walls.

I’ll be honest, boys. This week’s article is mostly for the girls. Mostly for us hetero girls who find that sex carries serious stigma. If you don’t do it, you’re a prude. If you do it, you’re a whore.

I used to spend much time pondering this while getting down with a guy. Is he going to think I’m easy? If I tell my friends this story tomorrow, are they going to think I’m a slut?

…Then I stopped caring. I did whatever I wanted and whomever I wanted. I saw my man-friend(s) whenever I wanted. I shamelessly recapped every lurid detail to my friends. And then I did it all over again.

Then something magical happened: nobody cared.

My friends, rather than hemming and hawing and haughtily pulling their chastity belts a notch tighter, welcomed me with a high five and a hip thrust. So long as I was happy, they were happy.

And men? They didn’t suddenly stop wanting to hang out with me just because we’d already boned. They wanted to do it again. And again. And even take me out to breakfast.

Now, having read the paragraph above regarding my “easy virtue,” you’re probably assuming that I’ve got quite the laundry list of lovers.

However, “I have sex with whomever I want” does not equal “I have sex with whoever wants me.” Or “whoever wants a good time and I’m the closest thing with a vagina.”

Boundaries are about respecting what you personally want, not what your friends may think or what that real cute guy may say to his friends the next day.

Don’t want to have sex? Don’t do it.

Tell the person before you get all hot and heavy. Unless he’s a total jerk, he’ll probably still want to suck face—or do whatever you want to do. And if he does turn out to be a jerk, toss him like an old vibrator. You’ve gotten the action you needed out of him, and now you’re done!

Boundaries are important—but be sure your boundaries are always truly your own.

If it doesn’t feel completely right, then don’t do it.

But if it does, and it feels good, and damn, you haven’t had sex in two months and you’re horny as hell—whether you’re looking for a one-night stand or a long-term love, why not do it?

For women, it seems like there’s this stigma that you don’t want to give your “gift” away too soon—yeah, because I don’t really like having sex, I’m just using it to lure dudes into dating me.

I hate the idea that I have to dangle fourth base in front of a guy like some sort of sex carrot. I’m not a clean-pristine girl wooing a worthy suitor in a 19th century courtship. I’m a 21st century girl, and man, I want to bone.

So, to have sex or not to have sex? It’s simple. Do if you want to. Don’t if you don’t.

Either way, love what you do and never apologize for it.