During season of giving, oral sex just as important as gifts
With finals next week, hopefully everyone is enjoying their procrasturbation. What better way to get your mind off things and release the stress of academia? Or perhaps you have a special study buddy, with whom the only things you study are anatomy and chemistry, and you do not need any textbooks, if you know what I mean.
In this case, one extracurricular in which you might be participating is oral sex. Oddly enough, mouth-to-genital sex can be more complicated and taboo than penetrative sex. There is sometimes a strong expectation to perform or reciprocate, even if you’re not crazy about it. This expectation can make oral sex seem like a chore, and instead of finding things to enjoy about it, a lot of people just suck it up (ha) and rally through it.
Personally, I really like giving blowjobs. In a word, I would describe giving them as “fun.” And you know what? I do not feel bad or slutty in the slightest. Because sexuality is such a personal, subjective thing, I think anyone who wants to do any sexual act in a consensual, legal way, should not feel bad about it or feel pressured to do it.
If you absolutely hate performing fellatio or cunnilingus, then you shouldn’t do it. Period. If you don’t feel like doing it one night, no matter how great your partner is or how much they want you to, don’t. And don’t feel bad. If your partner or you aren’t into it then you may as well not bother. Then again, there are so many great things about oral sex.
Let’s start with sucking dick. You can probably ask any guy for a blowjob horror story. While I won’t get too much into this (because I do not have a dick or penis envy), the main no-no’s I have picked up on are teeth and gripping the shaft too hard. If you’re worried about this, you musn’t forget to open your mouth in a different way and ask about it. Or mid-blowie ask if you are doing it how he wants it. It is helpful for you (and therefore him) and, if you word it right so as not to kill the mood, can be a sort of dirty talk 101. Be direct and have fun!
In terms of tips, I will start off by saying know your anatomy. If you do not know what a frenulum is, Google it and give it some love next time you are mobbing around down there. The balls are a pretty popular erogenous zone and can be massaged, sucked or cupped. Do not be afraid to use your hands on the shaft of the penis, too, and get a little rhythm going in conjunction with your mouth.
If you have a strong gag reflex and are bummed about its hindrance on your ability to give a blowjob, a tip I have heard (and use) is to train with your toothbrush. Sounds insane, I know, but every day experiment with putting your toothbrush back near your throat and see how it goes. I can personally attest that it worked for me. While it did not go away all together, I have really good control over it and can consciously refrain from gagging.
As for cunnilingus, to me it seems as if it is less hard to botch than a blowjob. There is not the immediate issue of teeth or gripping too hard. But I have never gone down on a girl so I consulted a friend who said that, for one, the licking can be too light to even feel the tongue. Conversely, too much sucking or rapid movement can be a turn off.
This makes perfect sense according to the numbers. Nerve ending count in the tip of the penis: 2,000; labia: 2,000 (read: do not neglect) and, finally, drum roll please, the clitoris takes the sensory cake at a staggering 8,000 nerve endings. What we can learn from this is to give the labia some love and also keep in mind that the clit can be overly stimulated.
If you think about it, you can get toys or use your hand to simulate just about every sexy act, from handjobs to anal sex. But short of having a few ribs removed, you can not practice on yourself to see what you like as you can with other sexual activities. I feel like a broken record, but being responsive and communicating are key ‘cuz everyone is different.
As this is my last column of the year (2010, that is), I wish you happy holidays! You know, it is the season of giving…
[PHOTO COURTESY/JESSE BALDRIDGE]