The Happy Trail

By MIDGE SQUEALSTROM In association with any failed romantic endeavor, chances are most young folk are perceived as belonging to at least one of the following categories:  There is the naïve idealist, who makes a concerted effort to remain friends after the initial interest or passion in the relationship disintegrates; the “asshole,” who abruptly calls it quits without fully articulating why or attempting to work things out; the “traitor,” who leaves one relationship in pursuit of another; and the person (or persons) that cries wolf, who quits and then returns...

I am practically jizzing in my pants over this week’s topic: male fluids. As one wise man once said, “male fluids are a beautiful, beautiful thing.” While the word “sexpert“ is awesome, I am obviously not an expert on male fluids largely due to my lacking of a dick. But, as a straight female, I have on several occasions interacted with and, at the risk of being presumptuous, been the cause of male ejaculation. Different preferences, insecurities and experiences make this a highly variable topic for both the penis-owner and...

During high school, my guy friends and I loved nothing more than to kneel in the corner of the Borders erotica section and whisper the most sordid sex stories to each other. Nothing like a few “torn bodices” and “throbbing members” to brighten up your after-school experience! Flipping through a book of short stories, a veritable Hemingway oeuvre of innuendo, I came upon an exceptionally ridiculous tale (pun intended). In some sort of unforeseen, sexy future, a woman was being held captive by two well-endowed men in loin cloths. The...

Like the annual turning of a new calendar year every Jan. 1, it is high time to toast to a new year—school year, that is. In keeping with the spirit of such a light-hearted holiday, it only seems fitting to have a contemplative moment to review, reflect and perhaps even come up with some resolutions for these two upcoming semesters. Let’s face it: not all events with a romantic or sexual nature (or the funky gray area in between the two) go peachy keen. Things get messy. Uncontrollable situations spring...

Alright, class, let’s start with a little word association: sticky, wet, gush, shoot, trickle, slosh, drip, slippery, warm, secretion. Blushing yet? It is an exceedingly natural thing to produce fluids, yet for some reason it is a source of discomfort, insecurity and confusion for many. Today’s column deals with female fluids, but fear not, for next week shall be all about the dude side of things. As cited from Aphrodite Women’s Health online, women often view the smell, taste, appearance and feel of their genitals (the vulva) negatively even though...

On an episode of the TV show “Community,” the character Shirley says, “Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You’re like a unicorn.” Most virgins at our age would probably resent this. The word itself is just never complementary whenever I hear it on a college campus. It is almost always used patronizingly, or knowing that someone is a virgin is an extra-juicy gossip morsel. Instead of seeing virginity as exciting because one gets to try something new for the first time, many...

In this sex-centric place in time and space we call life, chances are you may (have) come across myriad types of genitalia during your sexual career. However, the diversity of the genitalia you experience is likely to depend on how you experience it—whether it is via real-world relations, the Internet, magazines or (let’s face it) the mirror. As you explore the human body, you may be surprised, perhaps even confused at what you find. The quintessential cock/vag glorified on the internet may look completely different from what you’ve got going...

Whilst I was studying for an Anatomy test just now, I cracked a joke to myself about wanting to study someone’s anatomy. Concentration-wise, it was all down hill from there. What first started the derailment was that during most studious note-taking on my part, I read about blood vessels “penetrating.” My mind instantly flashed to the gutter (not in a boner joke type of way, but in a curious yet kinda turned on sort of way.) Thus, here I am, channeling my good sexual energy into a column. When you’re...