The Happy Trail

Lubricating the discourse

The back door is a frontier some are frequent visitors of, while many others remain scared to even approach the porch.

For all the nasty porn videos that zoom in on a girl’s face in agony, the rumors that poop gets everywhere (it doesn’t; poop is in the colon further up) and all the conceptions that it is going to hurt no matter what, there needs to be some real, honest, open information out there.

Anal play may not be your cup of tea, but don’t write off a tea you haven’t tried yet.

Babeland calls the anus an equal opportunity orifice. We all have them and they have nerve endings like you’d find in any other feel-good area of your body. Depending on your gender, you can access the g-spot through the thin, geographically close walls or stimulate the p-spot: the prostate.

Most of us think of dick-or-dildo-in-butt anal sex when we think of anything sex-related with the butt. But like a penis, vulva or vagina, there are countless ways to approach experimenting with this pleasure trove.

And, with the exception of oral stimulation (or you have some ribs removed), it doesn’t start with a partner. It starts with you. You absolutely can and should masturbate anally before you launch into putting a large object (say, a penis) in there.

If anything, find out for yourself what all the buzz is about and give it a try on your own. What’s the harm, if you’re careful?

What if, GASP, you really like it? Yours or your partner’s finger is a great, available, washable and small toy to start with.

So if you’re ready, let’s go over some quick anatomy and tips.

Two sphincters (muscular rings that constrict or relax) make up the butthole itself. The outside one is voluntary but the inside one is involuntary. This is why any time you want to step inside the front door, you have to knock.  Not literally (please no).

And don’t come empty handed. Your butt doesn’t self-lubricate, so you’re going to need to have some handy. Silicone-based doesn’t get absorbed so you won’t need to reapply when your super-absorptive rectal tissue sucks up all your water-based efforts. And of course, women can use their own juices for the same effect.

Start with a butt cheek massage and work your way in. When you get to the immediate area, continue with circles to put you in the mood. The inner sphincter should let up and relax.

Once you’ve been invited in, start very slowly with your finger, knuckle by knuckle, checking in with yourself. Work your way up to bigger items such as a dildo or a penis slowly.

Midge here: as a straight female, my perspective is heteronormal and, admittedly, limited. However, most if not all of it can be applied to any sexual relationship that might involve sticking things “up theirs” for funsies.

What’s really crazy about the poignant intensity of the experience is that the process itself tends to be very slow compared to vaginal sex.

Never forget the ancient mantra: “Just the tip.” At least at first. One enters slowly and slightly, then slowly pushes deeper and slowly builds speed.

As the receiver’s muscles relax, he or she will be able to move more and get more engaged. It’s simultaneously foreplay and go-time: great for everyone!

In terms of the other end, I’ve been told that “it’s a naturally slower, warmer, tighter thrust. The tightness and warmness remain while the speed picks up and it’s awesome. Compared to vaginal, it’s a bit more rough, without lube obviously, but in a good way.”

Thank you, friendly ex.

Still squirming around in your seat? Honestly, I feel you. It’s uncharted territory for many. A black hole of ambiguous disposition. Even knowing the facts, I’m too squeamish to enter myself or anyone else.

So if the idea makes you grimace, but you’re curious, one thing you can do to experiment is to press down on the perineum (the area of skin between your vulva/balls and your butt) trying out pressure from different angles. It’s a lot like that, and that trick itself may be enough to add another layer of intensity and sensation to foreplay or self-lovin’.

The key things to remember when exploring anal play, as taught by Babeland, are communication, relaxation and lubrication; and no hatin’!