Combat Zone

Combat Zone

Millennials are killing baby boomers

By Anna Graham The blood-stained Lisa Frank-bedecked smartphone with an image of avacado toast was the decisive evidence in the police investigation against the millennials.Photo Courtesy Puget Sound Beheadings Task Force   It’s official: millennials are spiraling out of control. We already knew they were reckless, entitled, and self-centered. This became apparent when they killed off the big department stores and heartlessly slaughtered homeownership, light yogurt, beer, Hooters and diamonds. We thought, however, that the list of things millennials have killed in cold blood was reaching its limit. What is...
Combat Zone

Student analyzes peers; ascends above them

By Anna Ghram In the ever-present quest for personal perfection and omniscience, we often find ourselves searching for answers in useless places. Many of us fall victim to the pull of capitalism and half-baked marketing schemes; many more get locked into patterns of perfectionism, addictive behaviors, and co-dependent relationships. Now, common advice on these matters usually fluctuates between “everyone is imperfect” to “everyone is perfect the way they are,” neither of which presents any useful input on how to banish lingering personal flaws. However, one student at the University of...
Combat Zone

Gals go out and they look great!

By Lee L. Benbow Last Friday, something was in the air on the campus of the University of Suget Pound. Not only was it a full moon, but Catlyn, Kateline and Keightlynn hit the town looking great. It was the end of a long hard week and the girls really needed this. Just as luck would have it, Keightlynn’s lab partner’s second cousin was having a kickback! The gals had a feeling even before they left that it was going to be a fun night. “I just knew when I...
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