You’ve gotta be able to give and take in order to have balance in a healthy relationship.
With this comes a delicious sort of tension in any romantic exchange between partners: the push and pull.
So what do I mean when I say push and pull?
Historically, I first realized I was utilizing the principle whilst mackin.’ Making out always presented itself to me as a little game. I loved (and still love) to be playful and keep my kissee on their soon-to-be-curling toes.
I noticed two main kissing routes: forward and assertive—especially with tongue involved—and a more soft, reactionary route.
But break those down into push—actively going for it—and pull—letting yourself be kissed or drawing your partner in by pulling back on the reins, and it is clear that it would be a shame to only be doing one. The best part is you and your tantalized partner can have it all.
Of course, sexuality starts with one’s self. If you’re doing some solo work with a vibrator or dildo as a female-bodied person, hold the toy stationary and practice gyrating with your body rather than just letting your hand clutching the toy do all the work. Hump your pillow or another upholstered object.
Eventually it occurred to me that this idea applies to a freakishly large portion of romance. It’s almost like a sexy, non-verbal dialogue, a battle of wits. As they say, it takes two to tango, and it’s a shame that some may just follow and never think to lead.
It applies to the structure of how partners interact. For example, in some relationships, one person is the one who usually if not always initiates sexy time. Though this is not necessarily a bad thing, it is easy to get in a rut and the non-initiator may feel that the shared sex schedule revolves around only one person.
In the bedroom, playing with push and pull can be really fun. When it comes to deciding positions, it’s nice to get a flow going where you switch every couple of minutes. That way, both people get to their favorite position.
Modifying certain positions can totally change the experience of it. For example, a hetero couple doing doggie style might have the man standing still and the woman rocking back and forth to envelop him.
An extremely helpful way to make these things actually happen is to not wait until things get steamy to suggest a new direction for the bedroom. Mention that you want to try a specific new thing beforehand or while cuddling in bed.
The key, as usual, is communication. Having a good talk about who usually takes charge versus who usually goes with the flow may shed light on a greater dynamic of your relationship.
It’s very interesting stuff because we usually subconsciously assume roles without much foundation. People may not have thought to start pushing rather than pulling. Or vice versa. Pull back on the reigns or take matters into your own hands and see how it feels!
