The Happy Trail

Humor in the bedroom creates fuller relationships

I don’t know about you but I love a good boner, boning or pegging joke—though the comedic category of pegging might just be me…and my future pet named “Peggy.”

As a culture we seem to have a really great and prolific sense of humor about sex. I’m all for giving exposure to something that can be so taboo.

But despite the buttload of jokes about sex in a neutral environment, it is so incredibly important to maintain one’s sense of humor inside the bedroom as well.

This ability to joke and be lighthearted helps connect, enliven and lighten up something that is supposed to be fun. Why do you think we call it “fooling around?”

A friend related to me her experience of being in a long-distance, long-term relationship, excitedly talking about how much a sense of humor plays into the closeness, comfort and confidence in her relationship.

For example, recently it was her boyfriend’s birthday, so she got some friends together to make him a gift. They took nude pictures of her, while she was draped in a happy birthday banner and posing in front of a tee-pee.

In the end, she and her friends not only had a blast taking them, but it was a funny and sexy way for the two to mutually appreciate and enjoy sexuality, in spite of a geographic barrier.

Her advice is to start simple when starting to be playful and adventuresome in the bedroom. Use a holiday like a birthday to give you an excuse to do something special and out of the ordinary.

Plus, if you’re at a point in a relationship where you celebrate someone’s birthday or spend holidays together, that’s a good sign your relationship is in a good place for it.

A good first step is lingerie or silly role-playing. Costumes can add some goofiness. Or try some (consensual!) light hair-pulling, ass-slapping or biting. You don’t need to jump into full-leather BDSM; that can be intimidating and you can predict that just dressing—and feeling—sexy will go over well.

Trying something new can be daunting, like anything, but even if it doesn’t go as planned, your partner will (or should!) appreciate it.

She noted that this type of activity helps to add the element of friendship to a partnership on top of the usual paradigm of lovers. Also, it immensely helps to make a relationship fuller. Having inside jokes from the bedroom bonds you and creates something special between just the two of you. Putting thought into a joke or funny activity shows that you understand the other person and are willing go the extra distance to make them laugh.

Many would agree that a sense of humor is a huge turn-on in a partner in terms of overall attractiveness. A lot of my own identity and personality lie in my sense of humor, so I think that if I were to be dead serious in the bedroom at all times, it would be disingenuous. The sooner you let your freak flag fly with a partner, your connection will be that much stronger.

Plus, laughing and being happy is just sexier. It is pretty well established with empirical data that smiling makes you feel happier, and no one likes a grump in the bedroom.

Bonus points: smile or laugh when you’re enjoying yourself during a sexual act. Are you really loving that oral sex you’re performing? Wink and smile up at your partner. Work toward feeling comfortable because it will make you feel more confident, and confidence is sexy.

In the same vein, it’s crucial to express yourself in intimacy. Make some noise, emote and convey how you are feeling: Happy? Intense? In ecstacy? Serious? Intimate? Let your partner know what’s going on with you, before, during and after if it feels right.

If you’re picking up what they are throwing down, show it on your face!

Another friend of mine saw a piece on Tumblr that revolved around asking the question “How do you know it’s too soon to have sex?” One of the answers was: “When you aren’t comfortable farting around each other.” This is a great point, and it definitely extends to other bedroom blunders.

Like queefing. It happens, and many vagina-owners are extremely self-conscious about it. If one’s response is to be grossed out or mean about it, it can be such a boner chiller (figurative girl boners especially). I mean, it’s just air!

Making a light-hearted joke about it makes everyone more comfortable and things can return to hot and heavy in a jiffy. I have even heard of a “queefing quartet,” which is a great example of embracing such a taboo topic in a hilarious way.

Now, when we talk about joking in the bedroom, I don’t mean pointing at your partner’s flaccid penis or third nipple and laughing. I mean, geez, everyone has their own set of insecurities. We’re all just trying to deal.

The beauty of sex and intimacy is to accept these things and engage in an activity that celebrates the human body rather than condemn.

So remember that joking should never be mocking, rude or demoralizing. If you try out the laughing or smiling trick, make sure your partner knows you aren’t amused at their effort but rather appreciating and happy ‘cuz that might be confusing.

It’s high time to lighten up and not take negative things too seriously in the bedroom. I hate to be a broken record but really, shit happens.

There are intense moments, yes, but having a light-hearted mood most of the time makes those simmering, passionate moments all the more powerful in contrast.