Articles written by: Mouth Breathin Mel

Combat Zone

Wyatt Hall named 3rd leading cause of global warming

It’s no secret that the world is hot as balls and is steadily getting hotter as ballser. Polar bears are pissed off, Priuses are getting uglier every year and somewhere Al Gore is sitting in a candlelit room on a romantic date with his Nobel Peace Prize. What’s causing this […]

Combat Zone

ASUPS laundering money through laundry machines

Newly elected ASUPS president “Slick” Ricky Radelli has been outed as having laundered money to fund a political action committee, or PAC, to campaign before the elections took place. The PAC itself did little to help Radelli’s rise to office, as there were still fewer than 20 votes cast, most […]

Combat Zone

Typo turns DEA agents into pacifists

For reasons that have only just surfaced, three agents of the Drug Enforcement Administration have stepped down on the grounds that they have become pacifists. The announcement came just days after the DEA raided a medical marijuana dispensary in the state capital, Olympia. The agents were supposed to have raided […]

Combat Zone

“Keep Calm” tragedy rages through Seattle

The streets of Seattle were anything but calm during Saturday’s “Keep Calm” street fair downtown. The benefit, meant to raise money for the city’s public education fund by selling those annoying “Keep Calm and—” posters, turned gruesome after fair-goers became so calm that many of them forgot to breathe and […]

Combat Zone

Student ceases to exist after not thinking

I think, therefore I am. It is a well-known philosophical concept that will have any douchebag philosophy major prattling on about how much Philosophy 101 changed his life freshman year. (He will then ring you up, and you can leave McDonald’s in peace). Unfortunately, it would appear that this basic […]

Combat Zone

Tacoma aroma: Eau-de T-Loc in stores

It’s everyone’s favorite scent, and soon it’s going to be available in a department store near you! I’m talking, of course, about the sweet, chemical breeze that warms lungs all around the Greater Tacoma area: the Tacoma Aroma. Students and T-Locs alike agree that there is nothing quite like stepping […]

Combat Zone

Guest speaker Eastwood to address panel of empty chairs

It has been made official: actor Clint Eastwood has accepted an invitation from President Ronald Thomas to address a panel of chairs right here at Puget Sound. Eastwood, 82, accepted the invitation after receiving numerous complaints from chairs all over the country concerning his speech at the Republican National Convention […]