Combat Zone

‘Graduate of Color’ ceremony proves to be problematic

Neema Smith, a senior on campus, has found herself cordially invited to the University’s ‘Graduates of Color’ celebration.

The ceremony calls to bring together students of color in order to celebrate their diverse paths to graduation.

Except Smith isn’t a student of color.

Actually, Neema’s parents are both from the Midwest. The origin of her name dates back to her parents’ gap years spent volunteering in Southern Africa.

How did such a thing happen? How exactly did the University categorize her as a “Graduate of Color”?

The confusion may have something to do with her club and campus participation.

Neema has attended regular meetings at the Student Diversity Center, but admittedly only for, “the hotties” that also attended. She also reports having regularly attended BSU meetings, but only, “you know, for the complete liberal arts experience.”

Smith has always had what she refers to as a “slight speech impediment.”

Her speech pattern has been associated with Australian, Ghanaian and Puerto Rican dialects.

She was once denied entry into a Spanish 101 course because the professor believed her to be a native speaker. One might wonder if this is enough to attract the University’s attention.

Her impediment has also attracted several confused suitors.

Several foreign exchange students have reportedly engaged with her in their local language in hopes of kindling some form of romance.

She reported regular comments made on the color of her skin, although she attributes any dark tone to be the cause of regular visits to local tanning salons.

Smith told The Flail reporters that she, “just wants to beat the Northwest gloom”, and that, “I have no intention of being another pale zombie”.

When Flail reporters questioned faculty on the issue, several raised the point that Puget Sound wishes to increase its diversity.

“Basically, we’ll take anything with melanin and an accent”, reports Tike Anderson, dean of diversity and marketing.