Combat Zone

ASUPS! Online!

The Associated Students of University of Puget Sound (ASUPS) is now delivering to the student body exciting campus updates and broadening the social communications paradigm of Puget Sound with the help of their new social media devices!

What better way to keep the student body linked-in and up-to-date. It’s not just the predictable Facebook and Twitter route, either.

“We are hitting the students with everything,” Jim Chodar, creator of the ASUPS network, said. “Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Orkut, Blogspot, Myyearbook. Literally everything. Even some old-school Myspace action.”

Everyone is interested to see just what the campus leaders are up to these days, and the student body is really taking notice of the new social media outlets.

“It allows students to get the exposure we are all looking for,” a visibly excited Chris Dooley, ’13, said. When asked which ASUPS webpage is his favorite, Dooley responded, “Oh, no. I haven’t actually read any of them.”

Even with the lack of students who actually read the updates, the ASUPS publicity team is nonetheless thrilled about the 5 people currently connected to the ASUPS Network: the creator Mr. Chodar, ASUPS Publicity Head Bibby Andrick, ASUPS President Martin Guzek, gossip king Perez Hilton and Molly Forks, a housewife from Oak Park, Ill.

In a victory for the ASUPS network, Mrs. Forks and Perez Hilton are their most religious followers.

“No, I don’t have a child there. My only son’s in the Navy,” Mrs. Forks said in a Skype interview. “I just like to read the updates and pretend that I’m a college student. It helps to kill the time until my husband gets home, I guess.”

ASUPS keeps updating away, and it is only a matter of time before the whole campus will be tuning in to serial updates such as ASUPS president Martin Guzek’s Facebook updates, which will be updated every seven minutes, 24/7.

Missing from the network however, is the ASUPS vice president Garner Luther. His behavior is typical of vice presidents, this writer was assured. “We have a social network?” Luther was quoted in a telephone interview. “Can you play Farmville on it?”

The next move the University wants to make is to get in on the YouTube/Flickr movement and get more direct involvement from the everyday student. To accomplish this, a brand-new webpage is under development.

“To expand the range of students connected to the ASUPS Network, its members are considering the creation of a porn site, called ASSUPS, where students can send in their home movies and photos,” Chodar said. “Just another way to connect the student body here at UPS and shake things up a little.”

Finally interested? You can check up on all the exciting campus developments on Molly Forks’s new website and blog: