We all know the scene. 80s furniture mismatched perplexingly with smooth 70s grooves. Enter a buff man with a hairless chest and a buxom, scantily clad woman, neither of which are particularly memorable. Brief yet still painful dialogue, usually corny and poorly acted. Then come the sexual acts that are not really “making love” or “having sex,” but rather straight f-cking. The classic porno.
For all the shit it gets (sometimes from me), porn is a fascinating facet of our sexual culture. The idea of it is promising but the execution of mainstream porn undoubtedly affects our culture negatively.
It is scary that porn is so prevalent a source used to learn about these acts outside of, and sometimes instead of, experimenting with a partner. There has to be some perspective and conscientiousness while watching.
Overall, porn as a sexual education tool is a tricky subject. In a culture where the level of commodification and commercial value of sex is so high, it makes sense people turn to porn to see what doing sexual acts like blowjobs, cunnilingus, doggy style, etc. might look like.
Especially during the awkward growth into sexuality, everyone’s curious. Questions are forming that are not answered in our system of subpar sexual education.
Plus, asking about blowies during a parental sex talk might actually be the worst thing ever. So it makes sense that people turn to porn.
However, the problem is that the majority of easily available (free, online) porn is misogynistic, heteronormative, dehumanizing and strongly enforces gender stereotypes.
For example, lot of body stereotypes are perpetuated, as seen by the juiced up men and titty-poppin’ women, that can cause viewers to feel bad about their own bodies. Beyond that, genitals come in all shapes, sizes, colors and varieties, yet most porn gives preference to huge penises and a very limited range of vulva styles.
Though we often openly discuss penis size in our culture, there is also an alarming trend of labiaplasty and other cosmetic surgery to “fix” female genitals when usually the patient wants to “correct” natural variation.
Both affect our culture negatively by causing self-consciousness of one’s beautiful, unique body that could inhibit one’s ability to experience sex outside of on a screen.
A connection and intimacy between two people is largely left out in porn. I encourage everyone to look at makelovenotporn.com which distinguishes between real world sex and porn, and includes this point. In the best porn, apparent is a connection complete with eye contact, physical affection and a feel that sex is not a chore or a job but an expression of intimacy.
Most porn, to me, borders on dehumanizing and it feels like one is just watching two animals passionlessly mate.
Also dehumanizing is the disturbing porn out there where sex is a novelty. Someone once told me “If you can think of it, there’s probably porn of it.”
How did we get there? Desensitization came up when I talked to a straight male friend of mine. “The more porn you watch, the more difficult it is to be turned on by it, that’s why you have things like Two Girls One Cup,” he said.
This also applies to violent porn, which echoes a problem our society has with eroticizing violence.
Another big thing in the realm of pornography and otherwise is that respect is often compromised. Emphatically jizzing on a female on her knees is bound to be more of a power thing than a sexy thing. Sex should not be a power trip.
Flaws aside, there are merits to the resource.
A female sophomore, and personal friend, finds value in porn as a learning tool. “I like watching porn because it gives me new ideas for sex positions. And it makes me more comfortable in sexual situations because it’s an example of how to act,” she said.
I totally support using porn as inspiration for a creative and imaginative sex life. The same friend also enlightened me to one of her motives for first watching porn. “I was curious how two girls have sex together and porn has solved my conundrum,” she said.
Everyone should be able to watch porn without feeling bad or ashamed. It is not dirty or for sexual deviants and is something that we should discuss more instead of letting it be one of the most taboo topics out there.
There seems to be a pretty big difference in women and men’s relationship to porn, especially when it comes to being openly admitting to watching porn.
“In our society it’s a common assumption that men watch porn and jack off, but the idea of a woman alone in her room with her laptop ‘jilling off’ is thought to be unfeminine unless it’s with or for someone else” junior Ruby Aliment said.
Porn is not inherently bad and is sometimes really great to watch, but must be viewed with a conscious and critical eye. Also, as porn can be isolating and even addicting, my best advice is use it to supplementary actual experience and personal creativity in what gets your motor revved.
