It’s official—junior Benny “DJ Dorito Fingers” Jorgenson has been crowned Inaugural Trashboi by campus radio executives.
“No, I’m the Trashboi!” Kent “DJ Purple Nurple” Emerson, the current presiding Trashboi, said when asked his opinion on the newly crowned Trashboi.
Radio executives sat DJ Purple Nurple down in their office and calmly explained to him that his Trashboi reign only lasted a year, and that the crown had to be handed over. DJ Purple Nurple responded to these remarks by showering himself with a 20 oz. can of Red Bull and yelling “Trashboi forever!” He then proceeded to crush the Red Bull can, throw it at radio manager Tam Richman’s face, and storm out of the office.
“Classic Purp Nurp,” Richman laughed as she dabbed a small amount of blood from her forehead, “of course it was hard to choose a new Trashboi when we have such a solid one currently presiding. But we all agreed that DJ Dorito Fingers exhibited the right Trashboi qualities when we were deciding who would take the crown after DJ Purple Nurple.”
Radio executives said that in order to be crowned Trashboi, the candidate must have DJed a campus radio show for at least one semester.
DJ Dorito Fingers is currently in his third semester of DJing a show on Fridays from 1-3 a.m. called “Sensual Celestial,” where he exclusively remixes the Space Jam soundtrack. You can hear his version of “Basketball Jones” slowed down to half-tempo and mixed with audio bits from the feature film 50 Shades of Grey on the radio’s SoundCloud.com account.
Additionally, Trashboi candidates are chosen based on observed behavior throughout the course of their time on campus.
Radio social media manager Maggie Simpson remembered the first time she noted DJ Dorito Fingers as a future candidate for Trashboi.
“It was about a year ago,” Simpson said. “My friend and I had just been at some career event where they gave us large slices of pizza on paper plates. So we took the pizza outside and sat down at a table. Suddenly, we see DJ Dorito Fingers skateboarding down a hill right at us in this, like, ironic Tommy Bahama shirt. Anyway, he skates by us so fast that it knocks my friend’s pizza right out of his hands and onto the concrete. DJ Dorito Fingers started laughing and I told my friend ‘that kid is a Trashboi if I’ve ever seen one.’”
Electronic DJ Brett Michaelson claims to have almost immediately categorized DJ Dorito Fingers as a Trashboi when they were randomly selected as roommates their freshman year. “His personality can best be described as a combination between Ashton Kutcher on ‘Punk’d’ and Guy Fieri. Although, there was one week where he exclusively communicated to me in quotes from Fast and Furious, so I’m not sure where that falls.”
When radio manager Richman texted DJ Dorito Fingers to congratulate him on his impending honor, he didn’t respond for 24 hours. Richman sent the message again to ensure he received the message. DJ Dorito Fingers then responded with a money stack emoji, an eggplant emoji and another money stack emoji.
When asked via e-mail for a comment regarding his recent crowning, DJ Dorito Fingers responded a week later with only a YouTube video of a golden retriever with human hands and a birthday hat eating a hotdog.
