Combat Zone

Model UN team clearly accomplishing far more than actual UN ever has before

A study released Thursday by the Cato Institute found that the Puget Sound Model United Nations team is doing more things more efficiently than the actual United Nations has ever done in its rich 168-year history.

The study, which defined things as any action that could potentially affect people and efficiency as if things are actually completed, reviewed actions taken by the UN during multiple crises and compared them to our own Model UN team’s previous resolutions.

“Every instance we found, Puget Sound was taking action whereas the actual UN would just do something useless like send peace-keeping troops in,” lead researcher Booker DeWitt said.

The study cited several instances of the UN sending in useless peace-keeping troops in war-torn countries that need people like Tammy, the delegate from Puget Sound representing Zimbabwe, to really go in and get things done.

“Tammy is the best example of what the UN actually needs. When she wanted to get with the delegate from China, she didn’t bat an eye. And she didn’t send in peacekeepers to do it for her. She passed a resolution that had nothing to do with the Syrian conflict and then left the meeting to go sleep with him in her hotel room. That’s justice,” DeWitt added.

The study also examined other positive programs done by Puget Sound’s Model UN team that the UN could use to be more effective.

For example, the study suggested the UN should  start paying for delegates’ hotel rooms, holding bake sales to generate more revenue  and giving out awards to the best delegates and countries so the UN can promote fun and healthy competition.

“Part of what makes the Model UN so effective and fun is the team building delegations go through. During our study, we found that no actual delegation to the UN had to undergo the twenty bake sales the Puget Sound Model UN team had to sit through. And those bake sales aren’t easy! But it’s all worth it when they get that best delegation trophy. If the UN had a trophy like that and awarded to the best country each year, maybe we’d have more bake sales from countries like Iran or Latvia,” DeWitt explained.

The study also stressed the Holy See should be giving full member status instead of just observer status, as the Catholic voice in politics has all but died out in the modern era and that it is probably the most fun country to represent.

“Let’s be honest here, this pope is dope and Catholics need a voice too. And representing the Holy See is fun! It’s the best delegation to be. I remember in high school I had such a blast calling every resolution a divine verdict. The only other delegation that is as fun as them is North Korea. Really, we just think the UN should be more like the Model UN in every way,” Model UN team member Sequoia Birch-Green said.