The Happy Trail

Taking time for sexual inventory: Tips for the new year

Like the annual turning of a new calendar year every Jan. 1, it is high time to toast to a new year—school year, that is.

In keeping with the spirit of such a light-hearted holiday, it only seems fitting to have a contemplative moment to review, reflect and perhaps even come up with some resolutions for these two upcoming semesters.

Let’s face it: not all events with a romantic or sexual nature (or the funky gray area in between the two) go peachy keen.

Things get messy. Uncontrollable situations spring up (sometimes literally). S*** happens.

Before delving into the dark depths of one’s emotional past, make sure to stay positive.

What has happened has happened and there is no use beating yourself up (a more productive activity would be to switch the “up” to “off”).

If an event is too fresh it is even more important to take note and give yourself some time to deal ’n heal.

Honestly, there have been times that I have made a complete and utter ass of myself and wanted to crawl into a hole, never to resurface again. But after some therapy with fuzzy slippers and my two main men, Ben and Jerry, I have risen from the depths of despair.

Common advice given is that “the best way to get over someone is to get somewhere else.” As I have shamelessly outlined above, I have taken this advice and felt at least 300 times worse.

Too often we rush into  new adventures or busy ourselves with other avenues of life without fully dealing with the emotions and unresolved feelings.

Taking the time to reconcile past love/lust low points allows a clean palette from which to approach the semester.

What went wrong? What can be learned from the unraveling?

A mistake is not a mistake if something can be learned from it.

After all of that, here’s the fun part. Set new goals and challenges for yourself. Even if your Dec. 31 resolutions flopped, now is your chance to plan and enact change.    Do you want to meet more people?

Assess what type of people you want to meet and think of where they would be. Challenge yourself to be more honest with yourself and direct with others.

Think of what has not worked in the past. Have things ended horribly when you’ve moved too fast? Set a rule for yourself that perhaps you are going to wait until a second hangout until you put out.

Have your insecurities about your body or sexual ability tainted past intimate experiences? Step one is to masturbate, masturbate, masturbate. But also take some time to explore yourself and work through your issues.

Confide in a friend, of the same or opposite sex depending on the issue. Chances are you will find out that what you think is a deal-breaker is not even a deal at all, let alone a big one.

Though I feel quite content with my sexual ducks in a row at the moment, I resolve to make this sex column as informative and as entertaining as possible.

The idea is to empower, not  to shame. The more conversation and exposure taboo topics get, the less scandalous and shame-inducing they seem.

New love/lust interests, by nature,  are usually unexpected, so relax and be excited for what will unfold (or undress).

This year is full of opportunity for sexcapades and personal growth alike, so pop open the bubbly (sparkling juice for you minors *cheesy wink*) and embrace it.