Who will be the next ASUPS President?
Get the news before you choose!
Printer 2
Printer 2 is a controversial and mysterious figure on the Puget Sound campus. Somewhat of a hermit, it spends most of its time in the library. Its popularity is based around its “free printing” policy, which allows students to use it for free, unlike the copy machine.
Nevertheless, Printer 2 is known for frequently and senselessly withholding vital information and paperwork, and having breakdowns on an almost daily basis. Its running mate, Printer 1, generally picks up the slack when busy printing times come around.
Even so, voters are made nervous by the duo’s inconsistency. Furthermore, environmentalists criticize Printer 2’s excessive paper usage, claiming it doesn’t try hard enough to push double-sided printing on patrons. Printer 2 declined to comment on accusations. Instead it made a grinding noise and stated: “Paper jam in tray 4, for help press?”
The Frozen Yogurt Machine
Also known as “Taylor,” the Frozen Yogurt Machine recently came to Puget Sound after being manufactured in Rockton, Illinois. It has gained instant popularity on campus, due to a near-universal love of frozen yogurt and shiny things.
Despite its golden reputation, skeptics criticize the Frozen Yogurt Machine’s segregation of chocolate and vanilla, saying that it contradicts with the university’s diversity initiatives.
The Machine tends to quiet the onslaught of criticism with a different agenda: “Caution – Moving Parts!” reads his campaign poster. “Keep fingers out of fill and discharge openings!”
So articulate for something so early in its political career, the Frozen Yogurt Machine will surely go on to do great things.
Just keep your fingers out of its openings.
