Combat Zone

A little chat with Santa Claus

Santa Claus: Happy Holidays!

Combat Zone: Alright Santa, let’s cut the cute stuff and get right down to business. Is it a coincidence that your first name has all the same letters as “Satan”?

S.C.: Well how ‘bout that, I had never noticed that before… Say, what exactly are you trying to suggest?

CZ: I just think it’s a little strange, that’s all. You come and replace poor ole’ baby Jesus as the focal point of December 25, turning the whole affair into a consumerist orgy which glorifies spending and capitalism? Seems kinda screwy to me.

S.C.: Hey, don’t talk to me about Jesus, I voted for Sarah Palin.

CZ: You voted? You don’t even live in the United States!

S.C.: Say, let’s change the subject. What would you like for Christmas, young lady?

CZ: Truth! Justice! ‘Fess up to the shallowness of this holiday! Admit you’re a fraud!

S.C.: (*eyes twinkle) Come sweetie, what would you really like for Christmas?

CZ: (*sobs) … A smartphone! I want a smartphone! (*falls into Santa’s cushy arms)

S.C.: There we go. Let it all out. Santa’s gonna bring you a smartphone. Just hush up, now. (*eyes glow red momentarily, then twinkle again as Christmas music starts playing)