Combat Zone

Creative kid dresses up as Congressman

It’s almost that time again. No, I’m not talking about when we get such a weird fascination with Pumpkin Spice Lattes (that would be a shallow topic). No, it’s time for you to dress up for Halloween! Yes, now is the time to see who has the money to spend on exorbitantly priced costumes and to secretly judge them behind their back. Understandably, there won’t be many interesting costumes save one student’s this year.

Against all odds, one student is going to be dressing up as something truly creative. Resembling a member of Congress is quite a challenge. It involves being white, 57, excessively overweight and, of course, overwhelmingly male. This means you are a huge loser if you can’t fit into this category or, in other words, grossly underrepresented when our government makes crucial decisions. Sorry non-males, this costume can only be worn by a guy, but you can rest easy knowing that he will come across as a huge asshole. Kangaroos are fun to dress up as, though, so that’s about the same as equal representation in our system, right? Regardless, this student is getting way into character and is simply not doing any work for his teachers. It only makes sense, as he is following the example given to him by our esteemed elected officials: Don’t work, get money. Easy as that.

This congress has been so inefficient that they are on the path to being the most obstructionist Congress in history. We at The Flail wanted to hear what your ever-intelligent responses would be to this hilarious (yet tragic) commentary on our political system.

“Since our own government here on campus is so inefficient, it makes sense to me.”

“Already I am jealous of this kid. It’s a great idea and he’s going to get all the women.”

“The current problem with our student elections makes me wish this kid was running.”

For now, let’s focus on stuffing ourselves with candy and how we can all do our part in increasing the obesity rate in America. That’s the true message of this holiday, right? It’s not? Oh. That makes this awkward then. I suppose we all should just make sure we don’t think about how messed up society is and go back to focus on important things.

In full character, the kid who dressed up as a member of congress has gotten in enormous trouble for hiring several prostitutes to follow him around campus for the day. That has honestly got to be the best and worst idea I have ever heard. Completely worth it, even though they will be punished as all elected officials are: With a “stern” warning that, regardless of the severity of the crime, will never be changed and will result in us eventually reelecting them to make the same mistakes again in their next term.