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New Student Poll: Even White People Tired of White People’s Bullshit

Today’s article is brought to you by Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo: If Something F***ed Up Is Happening, It’s Probably An Old White Man Trying to Make Money. Speaking of old men who are using white privilege to further control the country, the ever-fun midterm elections have ended.

For all those who may not know, the midterm elections are a very clear reminder of how outstanding our representative democracy is. At least for the people that really matter: rich, old white men. Yes these outstanding citizens are the ones that truly matter, and it is now time that we all bowed to our benevolent overlords. Don’t believe me? I am almost entirely sure they are deserving of our respect. Not because we have a choice, for whenever you are reading this, one thing is guaranteed:

Members of our government are not going to resemble the current developing diversity actually existing in our current state. And good, why would we ever want anyone to be new or different. After all, change it always bad. Things are so good right now, we should always keep these people in power. Wait, I’m being told many current members are going on to essentially an excessive amount of terms. But you know what everyone says: You can never have too much of a good thing. Ever. Always. Ahem, meanwhile our own student government has finally conducted their own elections with excellent performance by all. Some would say that this is excellent only by comparison to not even holding an election at all (as they did with their last attempt) but that’s just silly totalitarian-fearing conspiracy theorists (or as most would say, logical people).

Anyways, we here at the Flail would never endorse anarchism as a solid solution to the totalitarian rule we are experiencing, but if we were, here would be a couple ideas:

There is always the option to create an underground revolution and if anyone were to have an interest in joining such a revolution, there would not be a meeting that would exist at 7 in the Cellar every Friday Night. That is definitely not a thing that’s happening.

The Flail also has heard of an absolutely reprehensible idea of civil disobedience regarding all payment for SUB food. That would be brilliant but regrettably also be stealing, according to all current laws. Since legality is kind of a bummer sometimes, one can instead transcend the nebulous concept of laws and legality by turning the movement for larger representation in our government into revolution (ie. Russell Brand leads us).

Perhaps that’s too radical of a solution. After all, letting a bunch of immature kids take leadership would result in exactly the problem we have with government now: white assholes running the whole thing. Wait a minute, I think I’m being followed by a secretive government agent who thinks I am being too critical. I should clarify: everything I have said is totally supporting our great country and everyone in it.

Please don’t kill me.