Scorpio:  Oct 23 - Nov 21 You are deaf to your friends’ attempts to communicate. Hint: Take off the headphones. Sagittarius:  Nov 22 - Dec 21 You will either have a terrible dream or a terrible day. Regardless, getting someone to slap you only makes it worse. Capricorn:  Dec 22 - Jan 19 With the rings of Saturn spinning, everyone gets better-looking when you are drunk—except for you. Aquarius:  Jan 20 - Feb 18 If you keep making faces at that bitchy girl behind her back, your face will stay...

32-year-old Sara Krat of Tacoma shocked the world on Thursday when she opened a pickle jar all by herself. The 110-pound, 5’4” female doesn’t know where the unprecedented amount of strength came from. Her amazing story began as she was making a sandwich for which she needed some pickles. “I took the still-sealed jar out of the fridge and, like usual, expected to struggle with the lid for a few minutes before calling my husband to open the jar for me. This time, though, something was different. I popped it...

The costume that sends a strong message about the importance of safe sex: NAME: The broken condom* HOW TO: Put a plastic bag over your head (The Trail is not responsible for any accidental suffocation that may occur) and cut a hole in it. *(Warning: It is impossible to achieve a Halloween Hook-Up wearing this costume.) The costume that comments on the horrors of daily existence as opposed to myth or fantasy: NAME: Public transportation. HOW TO: Turn a refrigerator box on its side and cut holes for windows. You...

Libra:  Sep 23 - Oct 22 Try something new in the bedroom this week. Perhaps a Johnny Depp poster. Scorpio:  Oct 23 - Nov 21 Be aware of your enemies’ weaknesses. Pour milk into the vents of your ex’s lactose intolerant Honda, then watch as it plagues him with engine trouble and belches exhaust. Sagittarius:  Nov 22 - Dec 21 Let go of your conscience. Remember, you’ll never be popular until you can make fun of others. Capricorn:  Dec 22 - Jan 19 Your stars say that now is the...