Spring break found the University of Puget Sound campus flooded with mobs of noisy high school students scampering around asking for directions to Wyatt Hall and loudly yelling at each other. The University was playing host to a local high school speech and debate tournament. As this will be reccurring at least twice a year for the foreseeable future, the Combat Zone has compiled a list of how to identify—and therefore avoid—these people.
A) Nine times out of ten they will be wearing incredibly ill-fitting suits that make them look more like children on Easter Sunday than anything else.
B) They ask questions by placing one hand on their hand, extending the other in a startlingly Nazi-esque manner and shouting “Point of information!”
C) If you speak to them, everything you will say is wrong. Everything.
D) They will mispronounce Weyerhaeuser.
E) If you overhear pretentious philosophical conversations where 60 percent of the content is just repeating things seen on reddit, they’re debaters. Or maybe not.
F) They will probably be dudes.
G) They seem to think that being racist ironically is acceptable.
H) But if you point it out they will find a way to make you seem racist.
I) This also applies for sexism, ableism, imperialism and pretty much any ism you can think of.
J) No matter how many times you tell them, “It’s the big ass building behind the fountain,” They will never understand where Jones is.
K) They do not run. You could come at them with a chainsaw and they would not run.
L) One coversation with them and you’ll be left in a daze, all sense of morality gone, and probably feel the need to break down in cry over the inevitability of nuclear war.
M) Or you’ll punch them in the face and feel much better.
