The Happy Trail

The lowdown on male fluids

I am practically jizzing in my pants over this week’s topic: male fluids. As one wise man once said, “male fluids are a beautiful, beautiful thing.”

While the word “sexpert“ is awesome, I am obviously not an expert on male fluids largely due to my lacking of a dick. But, as a straight female, I have on several occasions interacted with and, at the risk of being presumptuous, been the cause of male ejaculation.

Different preferences, insecurities and experiences make this a highly variable topic for both the penis-owner and his partner. Thus, this column presents some suggestions to experiment with.

Ejaculate is the proper term for what I refer to as “jizz” or “cum.” I mean no disrespect by these colloquialisms, especially since “jizz” is just so fun to say and mime.

Even so, it can be tough to talk about ejaculation in a straightforward way. It is often more of an actions-speak-louder-than-words type of thing.    But it helps to discuss how each person feels and what becomes of the fluid once it is released.

During a conversation revolving around handjobs vs. blowjobs, a guy friend of mine was arguing blowjobs are preferred for a couple of reasons. One of these is the messiness factor.

More important than a few stains that would be incriminating on Room Raiders is the issue of cumming on one’s partner. Some people do not mind cum on them. Some prefer for it to go in their mouth in order to swallow. And others don’t like being around it at all. All of these things are fine. A simple inquiry about it saves loads of trouble (no pun intended).  Comfort, respect and consent of both partners are essential here.

Even if a guy cums inside the vagina, having a spare towel or something close by is a smart idea because gravity can bring it back down. Sometimes waddling to the bathroom for a standard post-coital pee (to avoid UTIs from bacteria in the area of the sterile urethra) is not timely enough.

Swallowing cum is another area that has wide ranges of responses. Personally, I enjoy it but it depends on my mood and relationship to my partner. What I find most helpful to note is that jizz is actually good for you. I don’t recommend it as one’s only dietary intake, but it is incredibly nutritious.

As cited by, swallowing cum is equivalent to eating egg whites due to the high protein content. In addition to protein, it is a source of creatine, phosphorous, zinc, magnesium, calcium potassium, urea (the content in urine with health benefits that uropathy believers drink their own pee for, like Ghandi), Vitamins C and B12.

Some people are turned off by the taste. However, there are some dietary adjustments one can make to improve the taste of one’s own cum. On the foods-to-avoid list, as cited by, are high-protein foods (meat and dairy products) coffee, garlic, onions and high sulfur goods (broccoli, nuts,and again, meat).

If limiting your diet doesn’t appeal to you or you are not looking to go vegan, eat foods such as pineapple, celery, fruit (especially melons, which can make semen taste sweet) and cinnamon to improve your flavor du jour.

Another thing to keep in mind is the angle at which a penis is in one’s mouth. To illustrate: once during a slightly tipsy blowie I was not paying attention and got a little pre-cum in the back of my throat. It can be very surprising especially when one forgets pre-cum occurs early. Experiment and keep in mind what works or does not work for you.

Seminal fluid is basic in pH to counteract the acidic nature of the vagina (thus ensuring safe travels for the little swimmers). Basic substances, like acidic substances which more people are familiar with, can be irritating to skin. The basicity also lends itself to the slippery feel of cum. This makes sense given that soap, for example, is basic and slippery.

Some studies have found that a component of male ejaculate can be absorbed through the vaginal walls and can have an antidepressant effect. While this is totally bitchin,’ one of my most important beliefs is safe sex. Even if a chica is on birth control, rubbers are strongly recommended as STI prevention and contraceptive backup.  The slightly elevated mood is not worth the risk of STIs or pregnancy, so wrap it before you tap it. Plus, no one wants to be a jizz junkie.

Suzy  Jizzworthy OUT!