Combat Zone

Life in Sexile

Dear Vonnie,

I get sexiled nightly. Being a freshman, I don’t have homework or friends, so I don’t know what to do with the time. I’ve tried wandering around campus, but after completing 20 laps of campus in an hour, I got tired of it. Suggestions?


Lost Frosh


Dear Frosh,

When you’re bored, your exile seems to drag on longer than the Dalai Lama’s. The S.U.B. and the cafés are closed, you’re too self-conscious to sit alone in the Cellar for hours on end, and Tacoma is…Tacoma. It was quite the conundrum for me as well, until I found Stack 9 3/4.

To find this magical stack, go up to the third floor of the library, turn right and right again, into the English literature section. Count the stacks of books. Just before the 10th one on the left, throw yourself as hard as you can into the shelf. You won’t pass through and end up on the way to Hogwarts, but you will hit your head pretty hard. You’ll be passed out for at least two hours. When they finally bring you to consciousness with the smelling salts, it’ll be time to go back to your room! Works for me every time.


Vonnie K.