The Happy Trail

Dating Apps and DMs, Let’s Talk about Digital Consent

By Winston Zapet Bamac

  You are sitting Diversions when you notice someone walking straight to you. Maybe you start feeling a little anxious or a little curious. Without introducing themselves, they say “You’re jaw-dropping, let’s have sex.” This forward, vulgar approach would be shocking in real life, but this is the norm for online spaces.  Encounters like the one described take place more often in online spaces versus face-to-face interactions, resulting in unfortunate violations of a person’s digital consent. 

  Digital consent is the informed, voluntary and revocable participation of sharing online content like messages and pictures. Unwelcome romantic advancements like nude images, vulgar wording and threats are a violation of a person’s digital consent; the added layer of anonymity and easy accessibility online creates space for those unwarranted, inappropriate messages. Students shared their online encounters of being approached in an effort to better understand how “sliding into dms” impacts individuals; for privacy, their identities will be kept anonymous.

   One student shared, “I feel like if you were to slide into someone’s dms it has to be like you know them, like you become friends with them and then maybe you text them.” Her experience receiving a first message involved a student she previously met at a party. The person began by striking up a conversation on Instagram, and she felt as if the intention was to form a friendship. He proceeded to ask her if she would like to go out sometime — she said no. He respectfully accepted, but asked again shortly after, leaving her annoyed and uncomfortable. 

  Nick Brody, a professor in the Communications department, shared his insights into online communication. Though Brody’s expertise is not in digital consent, his insight as an online communications scholar helps to explain how conversing through a screen gives rise to different considerations compared to face-to-face interactions. “There’s the opportunity for miscommunication, then there’s also the potential that people just have no interest in being approached in those contexts at all right. People are generally using those platforms for entirely other purposes, for entirely other means,” Brody said. For many, social media platforms are a primary way to keep in touch and stay updated on the lives of family and friends, not for finding a romantic partner.

  While building new connections is primarily a function of apps like Instagram, not everyone is seeking romantic relationships. This difference in purpose can change the way a message is received. Dating apps are spaces dedicated for romantic connections but, even then, individuals should pay special consideration before sending a message. Brody explained the Expectancy Violations Theory, which describes how individuals respond when their expectations have been unexpectedly violated. “In Expectancy Violations Theory, when information is sent to us that violates our expectations for what is appropriate in that situation, we are not only surprised, but we evaluate whether it’s a positive expectancy violation, something that exceeds our expectations, or a negative expectancy violation, so something that violates our expectations in a detrimental way,” Brody shared. This theory helps us understand a piece of how violations of digital consent occur by encouraging us to think about expectations. 

  The contexts of dating apps versus social apps alters the approach one takes, but it does not grant individuals a free pass to immediately delve into sex. “I think sometimes people assume that because we’re at a mediated or online space that consent isn’t that important, because, you know, there’s no risk of physical harm in those contexts,” Brody said, ”but there is still quite a bit of risk when it comes to socio emotional harm, and of course, we are also ethically obligated not to expose people to content and information that they did not consent to,” he added.  Additionally, Brody explained that the research demonstrates sexually explicit messages and images are not well-received, even in dating app spaces. 

  Overall, digital consent is important regardless of context when navigating online messaging. Spaces dedicated to finding romantic partners exist, but the expectations can look different from person to person, so asking before sending any explicit content is a good habit to adopt. Social media apps can be a great way to meet others, but not everyone is looking to make new friends, let alone find love or a hookup. That does not mean there are not people looking for those things, but remember that everyone is entitled to their desires and we should make an effort to respect their wishes. Show your personality, use emojis and remember that you are texting someone new, not your group chat — the meaning changes from person to person. Do not shy from meeting people, get out there and flex those flirting muscles, find love, just remember to give your first message a little extra special attention.