By Skye Sheehy
If you have been on social media in the last few years, it’s likely that you’ve heard of or seen people using neopronouns. Only 4% of the LQBTQ+ population use neopronouns (according to The Trevor Project) and there is a lack of mainstream understanding of what neopronouns are, how to use them and why people identify with them. Neopronouns are third-person pronouns that are not part of the conventional pronouns of a language, like “he,” “she” and “they” in English. In English-speaking countries, neopronouns are most often used by trans or nonbinary people, and range from ones such as “xe/xir/xirs” to nounself pronouns such as “fae/faer,” which indicate one’s personality and aesthetic.
Despite the “new” in their name, neopronouns are not a recent idea. The gender-neutral singular pronoun “a” was part of Middle English vernacular, and was recorded as “ou” by William H. Marshall in 1789. The pronouns “heer,” “hiser” and “himer” were proposed in 1912 by Ella Young, the first female superintendent of Chicago public schools. Young told reporters that “The English language is in need of a personal pronoun of the third person, singular number, that will indicate both sexes.” The early online community LambdaMOO, created in 1990, allowed users to choose the gender-neutral pronouns e/em/eir, known as Spivak pronouns after mathematician Michael Spivak, who created the pronouns in order to avoid avoid making assumptions regarding the gender of a hypothetical character in his books.
Neopronouns have been present outside of the English language as well. In many indigenous North American cultures, the state of one’s gender is often fluid and indicated with words unique to the people’s language. For example, in Cree, an indigenous language in what is today’s Canada, “aayahkwew” means “neither man or woman.” According to the Human Rights Campaign, languages such as Swedish, French and Tamil have created similar neopronouns outside the gender binary, and Arabic and Hebrew even have gendered forms of “you.”
The use of pronouns outside of the standard gender binary has persisted through time and space, but what inspires someone to refer to themselves using neopronouns? “This generation especially has a big fixation on finding something that fits exactly right, having a label,”said August Grey (‘27), president of the University’s GSA club. “Being validated, I think, is the big thing. And neopronouns feel validating for people,” they added. A writer for Mermaids UK, a trans-focused charity, states that they use neopronouns to define themselves on their own terms, as their gender is not easily definable, but rather is dependent on their traits and interests. This leads into the use of a type of neopronouns called nounself neopronouns, where someone uses nouns as pronouns as an indicator of their personality or how they want to be perceived by others. For example, one might use “fae/faeself” to indicate their whimsical, ethereal nature, or “pup/pupself” to communicate a playful disposition. “Neopronouns are really helpful to cultivating an image and an aesthetic, it’s almost like adding adjectives to yourself,” Grey said. They added that this can help people navigate groups and social interactions that they would otherwise struggle in.
Many people who use neopronouns have found community on social media platforms such as Tumblr, which has led to the perception of neopronouns being a “chronically online” phenomenon. The overlap makes sense to Grey, though they are disappointed by the negative correlation between the two. “People that are “chronically online” are people that have been rejected from non-online spaces,” they said. Rather than condemning someone for potentially being part of this phenomenon, they suggested that we try and make a space for people so that they can express themselves in the way that they’ve only been allowed to online.
Understandably, it can be confusing to incorporate neopronouns into our everyday vernacular, but respecting people’s identities and doing your best to use preferred pronouns is vital to ensuring a happy and healthy campus. Humans have a natural inclination to label ourselves and to be put in a category that we can deeply relate to. Grey compared the use of neopronouns to getting an answer on a personality quiz that feels right to you, and then someone else saying that that’s the right quiz result, and they’re going to decide that for you. “If you can understand that feeling, you can understand how it feels to be misgendered, and, by extension, how it feels to have your whole aesthetic and personality and gender, the way you want to be perceived. And it hurts for a lot of people to not be perceived the right way,” Grey said.
The validation of identity is crucial to one’s well-being; a 2020 survey by The Trevor Project found that transgender and nonbinary youth whose pronouns were respected by most people had half the suicide rate of those whose pronouns were not. While it can sometimes feel uncomfortable to refer to people using non-standard pronouns, it is important to remember that a little bit of effort to respect people’s identity can make someone’s day, week or even save their life. Grey advised people to “embrace the cringe,” when dealing with neopronouns, your own or others. Acknowledge that it will feel weird at first, but “that doesn’t mean that you’re doing it wrong or somehow like not believing in it,” they said.
Everyone has a right to choose their identity, and everyone has a right to see that identity be validated. “Living your life with kindness as your compass, not yourself being accepted, is the best way to live,” Grey said.